Jesus Christ

All of you tree hugging Bills fans can complain all you want, but keeping Dick Jauron isn't half as bad as the Broncos firing Mike Shanahan.  He is easily a top 5 coach in the league, and the Broncos cannot possibly upgrade.

The Broncos, talentwise, are no better than a 5 win team.  They're always competitive, because Shanahan won't let them be lousy.  My entire life he's been the head coach, and a successful one at that.  

Brian Billick, Bill Parcells, Bill Cowher.  I don't know.  I just don't know.

This is so ridiculously inexplicable that the only reasons I can think for firing him are these....

--Shanahan came down with diabetes, and a town meeting said Denver can only have one spokesperson for such.

--Shanahan campaigned for Sam Bradford to win the Heisman

--Shanahan is taking time away to spend time with newly discovered son, former NHL Superstar Brendan Shanahan.

--Urban Meyer sent in his resume.

--Owner thought Denver didn't get enough headlines in the national spotlight.

--He's taking time away to take care for some of Travis Henry's children.

--He's dead.

--He's applying for the Raider's job.

--Owner thought he could hire ferret for much less money.

I have no fuckin clue

?!?NFL?!?

For me, the biggest question of the NFL season has been, who's going to take home the coveted MVP award.  For the last couple seasons the award has been easy to hand out because of all the record breaking seasons.

Tom Brady last year (TD passes)

Ladainian Tomlinson two seasons ago (Total TD)

Although there have been really great performances this season, as a whole, nobody really stands out.   Not only that, but no team is as dominant either, so the Associated Press can't just hand out the award to the best team's best player.

There have been columns and articles and a whole bunch of other shit from all sorts of alleged experts saying who should claim the award.

Kurt Warner?

Peyton Manning?

Chris Johnson?

Ben Rothlisberger?

Adrian Peterson?

Chad Pennington?

Phillip Rivers?

Somebody from the Giants has to receive votes?

Same with the Panthers?

Matt Ryan?

Here we go, time to scratch and claw and eliminate assholes from the above list to ensure we don't have a Co-MVP, because that sucks and Randy Johnson deserved all of the award after that World Series, not Curt Schilling.  

Phillip Rivers doesn't deserve it because he's a fucking asshole

Chad Pennington doesn't deserve it because his team name is the Dolphins.  Really Chad?  The Dolphins?  Why don't you just play for the Princess Pansy Pussies.

Kurt Warner doesn't deserve it because the AARP doesn't need any more power or influence in its organization.

Ben Rothlisberger doesn't deserve it because it just doesn't work for me.  If his name was Ben Rothlisgarbageplate than maybe it'd be a different story.

Matt Ryan kind of deserves it because he didn't want to go undefeated last season so Tebow could win the Heisman.  Thanks Matt =)

Matt Ryan doesn't deserve it because, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!  My name's Matt and I don't like to hear about people who are more successful than I with the same name.

Somebody from the Giants?  Well I guess that's easy to dismiss because the only person that stands out has a bullet wound in his thigh.

Somebody from the Panthers?  I'll dismiss that because One of the deserving members gets a hard-on from knocking out teammates.  I guess De Angelo Williams could get some votes but he doesn't deserve it either because he has an Italian first name.

Chris Johnson doesn't deserve it because anyone with a great offensive line and the fastest 40 time ever can run like that.  Other than his blazing speed, great vision and balance, he's just a product of his system.

Who'd I miss, hmmmm.  This is where it gets difficult for me.  If you didn't know, I have left Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson.  Not only are they two of the most talented players in the league, but I like them.  Adrian Peterson is fun to watch and does good Sportscenter commercials.  Peyton Manning is loved by everyone.  Unfortunately, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!

Adrian Peterson doesn't deserve it because he was on Shane's fantasy team and Peyton was on mine.  Some could say that's unfair because Shane team had a better record.  In the end, I won more money, and I had won the only head-to-head matchup all season between us.

Congrats Manning on becoming the second player in NFL history to win three AP MVP awards.  May you please go on and break all of Jet Favre's other records.

You'll See, You'll All See!!!

--Sam Bradford won the Heisman.  Whoopty Doo Bazzle, what does it all mean?  It means that Urban Meyer is super serially serious.  He definitely cares more about the Heisman than Tebow does.  It will all show just a few weeks away when the Gators hammer the Sooners harder Tim Vander hammers Spencer Stone.  Like the last nine weeks, I recommend any of yous go out and take Florida, no matter what the line is.  They'll cover.  They'll cover.  COVER COVER COVER!

--I've been thinking about writing a novel for sometime now, and I think I have my idea.  Halo Vs. Gears!  Master Chief is on planet earth right, but the flood takes over and even he realizes there's no hope for humanity, so he and his friends flee the galaxy in search of a new home.  That's when they come across Sera.  From afar they think that Sera is the perfect place to be.  Little do they know, that the fine people of Sera are fighting their own war against the Locust Horde.  Master Chief refuses to commit to the COG army, but offers his services to Chairman Prescott.  Master Chief and Marcus Fenix don't get along.  While Fenix is one the most respected soldiers to ever fight on Sera, the gears are infatuated by Master Chief and his abilities.  There's an internal struggle with a simultaneous external struggle against the Locust horde as they are stronger than ever.  What will happen? Nobody knows!

Except me....

--Read sportspickle.com

It's a satirical sports website with some funny ass stories.  DJ Gallo is a hell of a writer.

--If the Broncos lose to the Bills next week then we're going to lose the division =(.  I hope JP Losman starts.

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