Grand Theft Auto: Lego City
Sunday, September 23, 2007
"Get Out Of My Tent!"
First off, the word on the street is that the Ver's senior bio quote is "Get out of my tent. If so I think we should all skip that section of the bio and just give it up...his is the best.
Ze Double team (picks)
New England over Buffalo
Tough one
New York Jets over Miami
Mangenius
Detroit over Philadelphia
The Purple Cobras need Kitna and Roy to go off
San Francisco over Pittsburgh
Why not right?
San Diego over Green Bay
They need a win because they're going to have a loss next week
Minnesota over Kansas City
Adrian Peterson's going to go off
St Louis over Tampa Bay
Today's the day Jackson eclipses four fantasy points
Baltimore over Arizona
But Fitzgerald is still going to have a huge day
Indy over Houston
It's going to be close, but Dallas Clark is going to come down with one late in the game
Cincinnati over Seattle
I assume they won't let up 50 points two weeks in a row, but they are capable of scoring that many
Denver over Fags
Please
Carolina over Atlanta
Steve Smith might outscore them, all he'll need is one
Giants over Washington
No fantasy points for Portis
Dallas over Chicago
Who cares is the NFC
Saints over Titans
Reggie Bush puts up a lot on center stage
Buh buh buh buh.....buh buh....buh buh
First off, the word on the street is that the Ver's senior bio quote is "Get out of my tent. If so I think we should all skip that section of the bio and just give it up...his is the best.
Ze Double team (picks)
New England over Buffalo
Tough one
New York Jets over Miami
Mangenius
Detroit over Philadelphia
The Purple Cobras need Kitna and Roy to go off
San Francisco over Pittsburgh
Why not right?
San Diego over Green Bay
They need a win because they're going to have a loss next week
Minnesota over Kansas City
Adrian Peterson's going to go off
St Louis over Tampa Bay
Today's the day Jackson eclipses four fantasy points
Baltimore over Arizona
But Fitzgerald is still going to have a huge day
Indy over Houston
It's going to be close, but Dallas Clark is going to come down with one late in the game
Cincinnati over Seattle
I assume they won't let up 50 points two weeks in a row, but they are capable of scoring that many
Denver over Fags
Please
Carolina over Atlanta
Steve Smith might outscore them, all he'll need is one
Giants over Washington
No fantasy points for Portis
Dallas over Chicago
Who cares is the NFC
Saints over Titans
Reggie Bush puts up a lot on center stage
Buh buh buh buh.....buh buh....buh buh
Sunday, September 02, 2007
NFL Panda Madness Preview!!!
Ready for another crazy, panda-filled season of NFL action? I am! So get your bamboo ready, and find a nice tree to hang out in!! That is of course unless no fun league commissioner doesn't allow the spontaneous but completely irrelevant dancing pandas to interrupt games as they please. If that's the case then I suppose we'll look to TNA's own PacMan Jones to steal the show as the greatest athlete in sports' entertainment. If all else fails the announcer at the stadium can turn on The Baha Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out," and we can tear this place apart.
Here it comes, I am going to do a very similar preview to the one I did last year (writing a lot about all the AFC teams, and cracking jokes at the asshole uzbekistanis from the NFC). At the end I will do a little playoff preview and throw out some awardys for yeez. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!
But first, I am going to do a leetle (top ten) power rankings...
Power, Power!
1) New England Patriots
--Right now they are the most talented team in football with the best coach in football. A pretty solid combo for a team that won't be happy unless they are hoisting the Lombardi Trophy by years' end.
2) Baltimore Ravens
--They got a little older at every position but running back, but just one year shouldn't make much of a difference for a team with an absolutely smothering defense, and a subpar offense that might be able to score this year.
3) Indianapolis Colts
--Manning is probably good for another 45 touchdowns while Addia will rush for north of 1350. Their defense should remain consistent and put lots of pressure on oppposing quarterbacks. After saying these three things, how could they possibly be behind Baltimore? Good question
4) San Diego Chargers
--Didn't lose much of anything aside from their offensive and defensive coordinators. Oh yeah, they also have Norv Turner at the helm instead of Marty. This makes fans of the Broncos, Chiefs, and Raiders, very excited. Norv Turner sucks, even with a super bowl caliber team.
5) Denver Broncos
--If the Broncos are going to capture their second AFC West title in three years then they are going to need some help from Norv Turner. Defensively they should be set with the league's best cornerback tandem, and offensively running back Travis Henry should really help the young Jay Cutler as he develops his game to the next level.
6) New Orleans Saints
--The first NFC team!!! I place them ahead of the Bears because they are way more fun to watch. But in all seriousness the NFC is a two man's race. A spectacular offense vs a stingy defense. Last year the defense prevailed, will it be the same result as seasons past?
7) Chicago Bears
--Much like the Saints, they play in the NFC. So what I am saying is, the best that either of these teams can do is second place. Stellar defense, so-so offense, weak division...They'll be a-okay.
8) Cincinnati Bengals
--If the majority of their players can stay out of prison than the Bungals should be ok. Whether or not they win the division depends soley on their two games against the Ravens. Yeah, I know I am a realy genius for figuring out that theory.
9) Dallas Cowboys
--The very defensive oriented team from D-town added a great defensive minded coach in Wade Phillips. Merrian Barber and Julius Jones is as good as a two back system gets, and Terry Glenn, Terrell Owens, and Jason Witten make for one of the league's most dynamic passing attacks. Just watch out for field goals
10) Daa Billlls
--April fools. No, I just feel that after these nine teams there is a substantial drop off and no other team (maybe the 69ers) are deserving of being in the top ten.
11:30 Walks out to batting practice with a tank-top on.
11:45 After no stretching steps into the cage, ignores the 5 bunts standard procedure.
11:47 Takes 25 cuts, hits 17 over the monster and misses the other 8.
11:48 Calls the batting practice pitcher a homo and tells him to go bang Nomar for mixing in a curveball after Dougie hit one onto the pike.
AFC East
1) New England Patriots: 13-3
In my opinion they are by far the most talented team in the league. With Tom Brady and ol' Billy you have a chance a super bowl. Then you throw in Adalius Thomas, Donte Stallworth, Randy Moss, and a better Laurence Maroney. They goin be naaassssttttty. For the sake of keeping it close I have New England going 13-3 with losses coming to Baltimore, San Diego, and Indianapolis. Realistically, they could go 15-1 or even.......14-2.
2) New York Jets 8-8
Eric Mangenius led this overachieving squad to the postseason last year. That was a sham because the Broncos lost, but whatev. After the Patriots there is a real drop off in talent in this division. It's really a race for second where neither of the three teams have a legitamate shot at making a playoff run.
3) Buffalo Bills 6-10
Despite the fact that they aren't a very talented team except in the special teams, this young Bills squad has arguably the toughest schedule in the league and could realistically end up starting off the season 0-8. Seriously.... Denver, Pittsburgh, New England, Jets, Dallas, Baltimore, the Jets again, and then Cincinnati. Maybe they will squeak one out against the Jets but other than that they are looking down death row. But hey, like every other year since 1999, it's a rebuilding year.
4) Miami Dolphins 4-12
Aside from the fact that they ain't any good, I don't like em! Really bottom of the barrel this year. If I was their GM I would get a serious pot dealer, and Ricky Williams on the phones. He was awesome back in the day, and coincidentally, the Fins were okay too. Oh how the tides have turned..
AFC North
1) Baltimore Ravens 12-4
I don't think they will improve upon their mark of thirteen wins they had a season ago, but should still sit pretty pretty at 12-4. With Willis McGahee in the backfield (come back player of the year) they should be set on offense, and the Ravens defense led by a couple of Miami boys will be as steller as always. I don't think Nose Hair McNair can take them much further than the divisional playoffs though.
2) Cincinnati Bengals 10-6
Arguably the most explosive offense in the whole league, and still might not make the playoffs. If this team was in the NFC they would be in Super Bowl contention, but in the AFC they are pushin' for the wild card. We know they are going to score, and we know Ocho Cinco is going to put on a show, but what we don't know is if they can score enough points to win because of their very shitty defense. The Colts have been able to do it for years, but even they needed a solid defensive push from playmakes Bob Sanders, Cato June, and Dwight Freeney. I don't know if the Cincinattica Bengals have those kind of impact players because as far as I know the majority of their roster is in prison.
3) Pittsburgh Steelers 8-8
Really just a tough break to be in arguably the toughest division in football. Again, in the NFC they would be top dogs, but because of the shift of power they will be a mediocre team. With four losses coming directly at the hands of their superior division rivals, they Steelers are going to fight to float above .500. They just don't have enough talent on either side of the ball to make a serious playoff push, which is kind of sad, because they actually have some real good players.
4) Cleveland Browns 2-14
Probably the worst team in the league. Really. I look down the shitty shitty schedule and see wins coming only to the Raiders and Texans, and that's if they play out of their minds. Obviously this is a team built for the future with Breylon Edwards, Brady Quinn, Kellen Winslow, and Joe Thomas. But we're still pretty far away from "The Cleveland Browns going to the Super Bowl." HAwr
AFC South
1) Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Surprise surprise, the Colts are going for the AFC south title....again. The defending champs really don't have much to prove as they aren't favored to defend the crown this year. They probably won't play with the same intensity of last year because they have reached the Spurs stage. That said, that still have a lot of great players and I definitely don't want to play them in the post season as a Broncos fan (0-6 in the last 5 years). Maybe some extra motivation for the Colts....If they win twelve games this year they will be only the second team in NFL history to win 12 games in five consecutive seasons.
2) Jacksonville Jaguars 10-6
I want to start off by saying that last stat I said about twelve wins in 5 consecutive seasons is false. I mean hell, it might be true, but probably not. Thought I'd let ya know. The Jags made the decision to stay with one beefy black QB and let the other beefy black QB go. I'm sure it was a good decision, but if one of them were to change their numbers I wouldn't know who's who probably. Great defense, explosive running backs, and tall wide receivers. Unfortunately the Fags seem to play down to the level of their competition and always find themselves in close games. For example, they managed to defeat the Colts last year in the dome, but also got swept by the Houston Texans. Lucky for them, if they find themselves in the middle of a playoff hunt in at the end of the season, they have games against Oakland and Houston in the last two weeks.
3) Tennessee Titans 7-9
The Titans overachieved last year as Vince Young played out of his mind en route to Rookie of the Year. Helping him along the way was Drew Bennett, Travis Henry, and Adam "Pacman" Jones. All of the aforementioned players will not be playing for the Titans this year, and they really failed to improve in just about any position this offseason. I don't want to count them out because I know how amazing Vince Young can be, but they aren't going to make the playoffs this year.
4) Houston Texans 1-15
The Texans have November 25th circled on their calender this year. That Sunday when they square off against the Browns might be their only chance for a W this year. I hope they go 0-16. They deserve it after passing on Reggie last year.
AFC West
1) Denver Broncos 12-4
Fuck you guys, they rule! The Chargers are nothing with Norv Turner. Honestly, I'm doing these predictions on the outlandish belief that the Broncos are going to sweep the Chargers in the season. But with the best cornerback tandem in the league, along with Jarvis Moss and Simeon Rice coming off the edges, this defense will be a force to be reckon with eh? And Jason Elam is a rainbow warrior.
2) San Diego Super Chargers 11-5
Again, with Turner at the helm they are going to blow big SoCal balls. Yes they have super bowl talent, but they aren't cool. I honestly believe that both of these teams are superbowl caliber teams. Am I worried? Yes. Do I think the Chargers are going to win the division? Probably. But I am holding out hope right. A boy can dream can't he?
3) Kansas City Chiefs 7-9
Okay defense and one of the leagues premier backs will guide this Chiefs squad to around seven wins. Unfortunately, I think their quarterback might have played for the Rochester Brigade four years ago. Seriously though, Brody Croyle is their starter? Jokes on me right.... I thought you played to win the game?
4) Oakland Raiders 3-13
The Raiders should have never let Art Shell go. This team was showing promise last season as he switched the music in his headset from classic to contemporary. That said, the Raiders defense is pretty good, but they just aren't going to win many games. I do think signing Caulpepper was a great idea because he is basically a older shittier version of Jamarcus Russell right?
And now on to the much less significant NFC!!!
NFC East
1) Dallas Cowboys 12-4
The big D-Boys are the cream of the crop in the NFC East. Sweet. Great defense, good recievers (Glenn, Owens, and Witten) two solid running backs, and a kicker with some great celebrations. Whatever it's the NFC...
2) Philadelphia Eagles 9-7
The Eagles are a pretty decent team who have a favorable schedule. If McNabb stays healthy they will definitely challenge the D-Bags for the NFC East crown. Although they are going to be cursed because of the release of fan favorite, white wide reciever Jeremy Bloom. I hate the Eagles though, probably my least favorite team in the league.
3) Washington Redskins 8-8
I think if Portis stays healthy the Skins can make a legitimate playoff push. Jason Campbell showed some serious potential last year, and Santana Moss is one of the most dynamic recievers in the game. Don't count out the Skins.
4) G-Men 3-13
Bottom of the barrel. They really should've hired somebody else, maybe they would still have Tiki Barber if Coughlin was out.
Matty D is getting lazy and the NFC doesn't really matter so here are my picks for each division
NFC North- Chicago Bears
NFC South- New Orleans Saints
NFC West- St. Louis Rams
Yeah, the Rams....I have Stephen Jackson on my fantasy team.
AFC Seeding
1........New England Patriots
2..........Baltimore Ravens
3........Dener Broncos
4...........Indianapolis Colts
5......San Diego Chargers
6........Jacksonville Jaguars
Non-Important Seeding
1.....New Orleans Saints
2.........Chicago Bears
3.......Dallas Cowboys
4........St. Louis Rams
5......Philadelphia Eagles
6......Seattle Seahawks
Wild Card Matchups
Denver Broncos over Jacksonville Jaguars
In a rematch from the regular season, the Broncos thump the fags at Mile high and move on
Indianapolis Colts over San Diego Charers
This one is pretty simple, Peyton Manning plays outstanding, and Norv Turner blows the game
Dallas Cowboys over Seattle Seahawks
In a rematch from last year the Cowboys hold onto this really close matchup with a GW Field goal
Philadelphia Eagles over St Louis Rams
The young Rams lose to Westbrook and McNabb who look like super bowl contenders in this blowout
Divisional Round
Denver Broncos over Baltimore Ravens
Denver is as good as team can get when they match up with the Ravens.
New England Patriots over Indianapolis Colts
In the most hyped playoff game in a century, the Patriots win 41-14.
New Orleans Saints over Philadelphia Eagles
New Orleans overcomes a second half deficit and squeaks out a win
Chicago Bears over Dallas Cowboys
Bears win 13-10 with their only touchdown being a kick return.
Conference Championships
New Orleans Saints over Chicago Bears
The rematch of last years second place bowl starts off amazing with a kick off return by Hestner, and then four plays later a n 86 yard touchdown screen pass to Reggie Bush. After that the game slowed down a lot with the Saints squeaking enough points to pull out a big win and move on to their first Super Bowl ever.
New England Patriots over Denver Broncos
I suppose I can be biased at times, but I have to be realistic too. The Patriots are the most well-rounded team I have seen in quite awhile. They aren't weak at any position and should coast through this season. Although if anyone is going to slay the dragon, it would be Denver. They are 4-0 against the Pats in the last three seasons, which includes Brady's first playoff loss. Cutler coasted the whole season letting the talent around him help him shine, but Billichieck tears the young QB up in this game and sets him back two years.
Super Bowl
New England Patriots over New Orleans Saints
On the Happy-to-be-here scale, the Saints are a whopping 9.5 while Brady and the Pats are all bussiness. Brady wins another Super Bowl MVP, and will likely get two more supermodels pregnant because of it. Must be nice to be rich and awesome and handsome. He is the reflection of perfection and will most likely end this season with the Lombardi trophy in hand.
Pro Bowl
Aha, I am hilarious..
Tom L.....Rulez!!!
(I have already wrote that on four different desks)
Ready for another crazy, panda-filled season of NFL action? I am! So get your bamboo ready, and find a nice tree to hang out in!! That is of course unless no fun league commissioner doesn't allow the spontaneous but completely irrelevant dancing pandas to interrupt games as they please. If that's the case then I suppose we'll look to TNA's own PacMan Jones to steal the show as the greatest athlete in sports' entertainment. If all else fails the announcer at the stadium can turn on The Baha Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out," and we can tear this place apart.
Here it comes, I am going to do a very similar preview to the one I did last year (writing a lot about all the AFC teams, and cracking jokes at the asshole uzbekistanis from the NFC). At the end I will do a little playoff preview and throw out some awardys for yeez. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!
But first, I am going to do a leetle (top ten) power rankings...
Power, Power!
1) New England Patriots
--Right now they are the most talented team in football with the best coach in football. A pretty solid combo for a team that won't be happy unless they are hoisting the Lombardi Trophy by years' end.
2) Baltimore Ravens
--They got a little older at every position but running back, but just one year shouldn't make much of a difference for a team with an absolutely smothering defense, and a subpar offense that might be able to score this year.
3) Indianapolis Colts
--Manning is probably good for another 45 touchdowns while Addia will rush for north of 1350. Their defense should remain consistent and put lots of pressure on oppposing quarterbacks. After saying these three things, how could they possibly be behind Baltimore? Good question
4) San Diego Chargers
--Didn't lose much of anything aside from their offensive and defensive coordinators. Oh yeah, they also have Norv Turner at the helm instead of Marty. This makes fans of the Broncos, Chiefs, and Raiders, very excited. Norv Turner sucks, even with a super bowl caliber team.
5) Denver Broncos
--If the Broncos are going to capture their second AFC West title in three years then they are going to need some help from Norv Turner. Defensively they should be set with the league's best cornerback tandem, and offensively running back Travis Henry should really help the young Jay Cutler as he develops his game to the next level.
6) New Orleans Saints
--The first NFC team!!! I place them ahead of the Bears because they are way more fun to watch. But in all seriousness the NFC is a two man's race. A spectacular offense vs a stingy defense. Last year the defense prevailed, will it be the same result as seasons past?
7) Chicago Bears
--Much like the Saints, they play in the NFC. So what I am saying is, the best that either of these teams can do is second place. Stellar defense, so-so offense, weak division...They'll be a-okay.
8) Cincinnati Bengals
--If the majority of their players can stay out of prison than the Bungals should be ok. Whether or not they win the division depends soley on their two games against the Ravens. Yeah, I know I am a realy genius for figuring out that theory.
9) Dallas Cowboys
--The very defensive oriented team from D-town added a great defensive minded coach in Wade Phillips. Merrian Barber and Julius Jones is as good as a two back system gets, and Terry Glenn, Terrell Owens, and Jason Witten make for one of the league's most dynamic passing attacks. Just watch out for field goals
10) Daa Billlls
--April fools. No, I just feel that after these nine teams there is a substantial drop off and no other team (maybe the 69ers) are deserving of being in the top ten.
11:30 Walks out to batting practice with a tank-top on.
11:45 After no stretching steps into the cage, ignores the 5 bunts standard procedure.
11:47 Takes 25 cuts, hits 17 over the monster and misses the other 8.
11:48 Calls the batting practice pitcher a homo and tells him to go bang Nomar for mixing in a curveball after Dougie hit one onto the pike.
AFC East
1) New England Patriots: 13-3
In my opinion they are by far the most talented team in the league. With Tom Brady and ol' Billy you have a chance a super bowl. Then you throw in Adalius Thomas, Donte Stallworth, Randy Moss, and a better Laurence Maroney. They goin be naaassssttttty. For the sake of keeping it close I have New England going 13-3 with losses coming to Baltimore, San Diego, and Indianapolis. Realistically, they could go 15-1 or even.......14-2.
2) New York Jets 8-8
Eric Mangenius led this overachieving squad to the postseason last year. That was a sham because the Broncos lost, but whatev. After the Patriots there is a real drop off in talent in this division. It's really a race for second where neither of the three teams have a legitamate shot at making a playoff run.
3) Buffalo Bills 6-10
Despite the fact that they aren't a very talented team except in the special teams, this young Bills squad has arguably the toughest schedule in the league and could realistically end up starting off the season 0-8. Seriously.... Denver, Pittsburgh, New England, Jets, Dallas, Baltimore, the Jets again, and then Cincinnati. Maybe they will squeak one out against the Jets but other than that they are looking down death row. But hey, like every other year since 1999, it's a rebuilding year.
4) Miami Dolphins 4-12
Aside from the fact that they ain't any good, I don't like em! Really bottom of the barrel this year. If I was their GM I would get a serious pot dealer, and Ricky Williams on the phones. He was awesome back in the day, and coincidentally, the Fins were okay too. Oh how the tides have turned..
AFC North
1) Baltimore Ravens 12-4
I don't think they will improve upon their mark of thirteen wins they had a season ago, but should still sit pretty pretty at 12-4. With Willis McGahee in the backfield (come back player of the year) they should be set on offense, and the Ravens defense led by a couple of Miami boys will be as steller as always. I don't think Nose Hair McNair can take them much further than the divisional playoffs though.
2) Cincinnati Bengals 10-6
Arguably the most explosive offense in the whole league, and still might not make the playoffs. If this team was in the NFC they would be in Super Bowl contention, but in the AFC they are pushin' for the wild card. We know they are going to score, and we know Ocho Cinco is going to put on a show, but what we don't know is if they can score enough points to win because of their very shitty defense. The Colts have been able to do it for years, but even they needed a solid defensive push from playmakes Bob Sanders, Cato June, and Dwight Freeney. I don't know if the Cincinattica Bengals have those kind of impact players because as far as I know the majority of their roster is in prison.
3) Pittsburgh Steelers 8-8
Really just a tough break to be in arguably the toughest division in football. Again, in the NFC they would be top dogs, but because of the shift of power they will be a mediocre team. With four losses coming directly at the hands of their superior division rivals, they Steelers are going to fight to float above .500. They just don't have enough talent on either side of the ball to make a serious playoff push, which is kind of sad, because they actually have some real good players.
4) Cleveland Browns 2-14
Probably the worst team in the league. Really. I look down the shitty shitty schedule and see wins coming only to the Raiders and Texans, and that's if they play out of their minds. Obviously this is a team built for the future with Breylon Edwards, Brady Quinn, Kellen Winslow, and Joe Thomas. But we're still pretty far away from "The Cleveland Browns going to the Super Bowl." HAwr
AFC South
1) Indianapolis Colts 12-4
Surprise surprise, the Colts are going for the AFC south title....again. The defending champs really don't have much to prove as they aren't favored to defend the crown this year. They probably won't play with the same intensity of last year because they have reached the Spurs stage. That said, that still have a lot of great players and I definitely don't want to play them in the post season as a Broncos fan (0-6 in the last 5 years). Maybe some extra motivation for the Colts....If they win twelve games this year they will be only the second team in NFL history to win 12 games in five consecutive seasons.
2) Jacksonville Jaguars 10-6
I want to start off by saying that last stat I said about twelve wins in 5 consecutive seasons is false. I mean hell, it might be true, but probably not. Thought I'd let ya know. The Jags made the decision to stay with one beefy black QB and let the other beefy black QB go. I'm sure it was a good decision, but if one of them were to change their numbers I wouldn't know who's who probably. Great defense, explosive running backs, and tall wide receivers. Unfortunately the Fags seem to play down to the level of their competition and always find themselves in close games. For example, they managed to defeat the Colts last year in the dome, but also got swept by the Houston Texans. Lucky for them, if they find themselves in the middle of a playoff hunt in at the end of the season, they have games against Oakland and Houston in the last two weeks.
3) Tennessee Titans 7-9
The Titans overachieved last year as Vince Young played out of his mind en route to Rookie of the Year. Helping him along the way was Drew Bennett, Travis Henry, and Adam "Pacman" Jones. All of the aforementioned players will not be playing for the Titans this year, and they really failed to improve in just about any position this offseason. I don't want to count them out because I know how amazing Vince Young can be, but they aren't going to make the playoffs this year.
4) Houston Texans 1-15
The Texans have November 25th circled on their calender this year. That Sunday when they square off against the Browns might be their only chance for a W this year. I hope they go 0-16. They deserve it after passing on Reggie last year.
AFC West
1) Denver Broncos 12-4
Fuck you guys, they rule! The Chargers are nothing with Norv Turner. Honestly, I'm doing these predictions on the outlandish belief that the Broncos are going to sweep the Chargers in the season. But with the best cornerback tandem in the league, along with Jarvis Moss and Simeon Rice coming off the edges, this defense will be a force to be reckon with eh? And Jason Elam is a rainbow warrior.
2) San Diego Super Chargers 11-5
Again, with Turner at the helm they are going to blow big SoCal balls. Yes they have super bowl talent, but they aren't cool. I honestly believe that both of these teams are superbowl caliber teams. Am I worried? Yes. Do I think the Chargers are going to win the division? Probably. But I am holding out hope right. A boy can dream can't he?
3) Kansas City Chiefs 7-9
Okay defense and one of the leagues premier backs will guide this Chiefs squad to around seven wins. Unfortunately, I think their quarterback might have played for the Rochester Brigade four years ago. Seriously though, Brody Croyle is their starter? Jokes on me right.... I thought you played to win the game?
4) Oakland Raiders 3-13
The Raiders should have never let Art Shell go. This team was showing promise last season as he switched the music in his headset from classic to contemporary. That said, the Raiders defense is pretty good, but they just aren't going to win many games. I do think signing Caulpepper was a great idea because he is basically a older shittier version of Jamarcus Russell right?
And now on to the much less significant NFC!!!
NFC East
1) Dallas Cowboys 12-4
The big D-Boys are the cream of the crop in the NFC East. Sweet. Great defense, good recievers (Glenn, Owens, and Witten) two solid running backs, and a kicker with some great celebrations. Whatever it's the NFC...
2) Philadelphia Eagles 9-7
The Eagles are a pretty decent team who have a favorable schedule. If McNabb stays healthy they will definitely challenge the D-Bags for the NFC East crown. Although they are going to be cursed because of the release of fan favorite, white wide reciever Jeremy Bloom. I hate the Eagles though, probably my least favorite team in the league.
3) Washington Redskins 8-8
I think if Portis stays healthy the Skins can make a legitimate playoff push. Jason Campbell showed some serious potential last year, and Santana Moss is one of the most dynamic recievers in the game. Don't count out the Skins.
4) G-Men 3-13
Bottom of the barrel. They really should've hired somebody else, maybe they would still have Tiki Barber if Coughlin was out.
Matty D is getting lazy and the NFC doesn't really matter so here are my picks for each division
NFC North- Chicago Bears
NFC South- New Orleans Saints
NFC West- St. Louis Rams
Yeah, the Rams....I have Stephen Jackson on my fantasy team.
AFC Seeding
1........New England Patriots
2..........Baltimore Ravens
3........Dener Broncos
4...........Indianapolis Colts
5......San Diego Chargers
6........Jacksonville Jaguars
Non-Important Seeding
1.....New Orleans Saints
2.........Chicago Bears
3.......Dallas Cowboys
4........St. Louis Rams
5......Philadelphia Eagles
6......Seattle Seahawks
Wild Card Matchups
Denver Broncos over Jacksonville Jaguars
In a rematch from the regular season, the Broncos thump the fags at Mile high and move on
Indianapolis Colts over San Diego Charers
This one is pretty simple, Peyton Manning plays outstanding, and Norv Turner blows the game
Dallas Cowboys over Seattle Seahawks
In a rematch from last year the Cowboys hold onto this really close matchup with a GW Field goal
Philadelphia Eagles over St Louis Rams
The young Rams lose to Westbrook and McNabb who look like super bowl contenders in this blowout
Divisional Round
Denver Broncos over Baltimore Ravens
Denver is as good as team can get when they match up with the Ravens.
New England Patriots over Indianapolis Colts
In the most hyped playoff game in a century, the Patriots win 41-14.
New Orleans Saints over Philadelphia Eagles
New Orleans overcomes a second half deficit and squeaks out a win
Chicago Bears over Dallas Cowboys
Bears win 13-10 with their only touchdown being a kick return.
Conference Championships
New Orleans Saints over Chicago Bears
The rematch of last years second place bowl starts off amazing with a kick off return by Hestner, and then four plays later a n 86 yard touchdown screen pass to Reggie Bush. After that the game slowed down a lot with the Saints squeaking enough points to pull out a big win and move on to their first Super Bowl ever.
New England Patriots over Denver Broncos
I suppose I can be biased at times, but I have to be realistic too. The Patriots are the most well-rounded team I have seen in quite awhile. They aren't weak at any position and should coast through this season. Although if anyone is going to slay the dragon, it would be Denver. They are 4-0 against the Pats in the last three seasons, which includes Brady's first playoff loss. Cutler coasted the whole season letting the talent around him help him shine, but Billichieck tears the young QB up in this game and sets him back two years.
Super Bowl
New England Patriots over New Orleans Saints
On the Happy-to-be-here scale, the Saints are a whopping 9.5 while Brady and the Pats are all bussiness. Brady wins another Super Bowl MVP, and will likely get two more supermodels pregnant because of it. Must be nice to be rich and awesome and handsome. He is the reflection of perfection and will most likely end this season with the Lombardi trophy in hand.
Pro Bowl
Aha, I am hilarious..
Tom L.....Rulez!!!
(I have already wrote that on four different desks)
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