A Day In The Life Of Paul Anzak

First off, Paul Anzak is a substitute teacher. He is rarely seen subbing, but when he does pop up on the grid it's always a spectacle. He's one of the most entertaining people I have ever met and he's the most different person I have ever met. Few people know the real Anzak. To tell you a little bit about his character take this note. He actually spells his name differently on blackboards when he subs. So far I have seen Anzak and Antczak. Also, the man loves baseball, and wolves. All of his outfits have eiether been complimented with a wolf tie or a wolf sweater (This makes him an easy target for dances with wolves). Everyone who has been graced with this man's educational skills know that he's the real deal. But to give outsiders who haven't had the pleasure some insight as to what Anzak is really like I am writing this. This is very similar to the "Day in the Life of Doug Mirabelli" because I completely poached the idea. I feel this is the very best way to express my compassion for this man...

5:00 am- Paul gets a call on his landline from the East Irondequoit school district and they say he is substituting today.

5:02 am- Paul lets the big news sink in as he announces "This is going to be a good day." He quickly falls back asleep.

6:01 am- Paul wakes up and gets out of his twin sized bed naked.

6:05 am- Gets in his already filled bathtub still filled from last weeks bath.

6:19 am- Rips one in the water and laughs at the bubbles.

6:31 am- Walks about his one-bedroom apartment screaming to himself "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY WOLF TIE?!?!"

6:35 am- Commotion settles as he finds his tie in his box of Wegman's O's

6:41 am- Paul is ready to go. His shirt has a stain on it but he doesn't think anybody will know. Everybody will know.

6:42 am- He turns off his VHS of "8 Men Out" which runs at all times while he's home.

6:45 am- Finds his '75 Chevrolet Celebrity as he drives it from his homestead on Lyell Ave to the school.

7:03 am- Paul walks into the school looking ecstatic. He wasn't sure if he was going to get another shot here after breaking a projector two weeks ago.

7:06 am- After asking around he finds his room. Announces aloud (although by himself) that this room is for gays (It's Mrs. Geer's room).

7:16 am- Paul is becoming very bored waiting for class to start. He has settled in Geer's chair and has farted north of six times (laughing to himself after everyone)

7:30 am- Class fills up as everyone enters the room. Paul doesn't know it's an english class because of Geer's foreign language signs around the room.

7:37 am- After several minutes of the class talking to themselves Paul interupts with "Hey, shut the hell up!" Everyone is startled

7:38 am- Paul posts up on the chalk-board has he announced the assignment for the class. It's a vocab assignment, and Paul recognizes zero of the words on the list.

7:39 am- As Paul goes back to his chair the students notice chalk on his back from when he leaned on the chalk board: Nobody is compelled to tell him.

7:57 am- Class is quietly working as Paul completes his easy soduku. Feeling very accomplished he leans back and rips one. Whole class notices. He stares into the ceiling as the class watches their instructor in disbelief.

7:58 am- Paul laughs quietly about his fart from a minute ago.

8:19 am- A student in the class wants to go to the bathroom. Paul exclaims "Sit down! WHAT THE HELL 'S A MATTA WITH YA!!" Student returns to his desk as Paul smiles with satisfaction from authority.

8:35 am- Class ends as everyone disperses. Paul writes a negative report even though the class was well behaved just because he can.

8:40 am- After realizing he has a free block, Paul decides it's time for early brunch.

8:42 am- Paul dominates his steak sandwich, two-liter of Mountain Lightning, 3 bags of fritos, and 6 oreos.

8:51 am- Rips a loud one. Paul is disapointed nobody heard it.

9:10 am: Paul decides it's time for medium brunch as he bites into his ham and cheese sandwich, grilled cheese (cold), a fruit by the foot (he took from a kid at Charlotte last week), and 7 oreos.

9:12 am- Paul is satisfied

9:25 am-Paul is unsatisfied. Digs into late brunch.

9:34 am- Paul is able to finish his burrito, pizza, and beef jerky, but unable to consume his ice-cream sandwich intime for his next class.

9:35 am- Paul makes the class wait for him to finish his frozen treat before handing them their assignment. Class is astonished.

9:37 am- Paul finishes his food and hands out vocab assignment with chocolate all over his face.

9:41 am- A student in the back row asks if Paul if he is saving his ice cream for later. Paul replies with "Who the hell asked you you big faggot. Are you saving your sexuality for later you back seat sittin' bitch." Class is once again astonished.
9:59 am- Quietly farts and nobody notices. Grins from ear to ear and says quietly, but loud enough for the class to hear "You all suck...."
10:25 am- Paul's chair is getting very hot from being perched there all day. He makes a quick lap around the classroom trying to peek down girls shirts along the way.
10:32 am- Paul gets another free block. He decides to use it wisely.
10:33 am- Paul enters teachers restroom. Plants down and announces to anyone listening that "Pearl Harbor was a fucking joke compared to what's about to happen."
11:29 am- Paul finishes killing it just intime for next class. Faculty bathroom will never be the same.
11:45 am- Tells entire class to go to hell. A student asks him what he said and Paul replies "I said go to the library." He is glowing from being so spontaneous.
11:57 am- Entire class comes back from library as the class was not scheduled. Paul tells class "YOU WOULD'VE GOTTEN IN IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!"
12:22 pm- Class is finishing work quietly and he feels the need to interupt with, "I am the wolf! All of you are my prey!" At this time, only four people are actually listening to him.
12:27 pm: With two minutes until the next class Paul has to kill it again.
1:19 pm- Paul exits faculty bathroom (he drew boobs and a penis on the stall)
1:21 pm- Enters class with looks from everyone. As he walks to the desk he tells a Puerto Rican that he's smelled better cologne on a baby lamb's ass. The alleged Puerto Rican was actually Turkish.
1:40 pm- With no class and having eaten all of his food packed today Paul passes out on teacher's desk.
2:25 pm- Bell wakes Anzak as looks up and realized he had a class. Student asks him if he had a rough night last night. Paul replies "Shut up! I had a dream that you weren't a faggot!"
2:30 pm- Before heading home Paul kills it for the third time today in the teachers shitter.
3:59 pm- Begins his trip home after a solid session.
4:22 pm- Paul finds out somebody broke into his house. Lucky for him, he has nothing nobody would want.
4:29 pm-Gets naked and falls asleep to 8 Men Out on VHS
8:51 pm- Wakes up to a fuzzy tv screen. Switches input and throws everything he can find at the TV as "Rookie of the Year" is on channell 31.
9:15 pm-Paul goes to typewriter to work on novel that correlates US history with baseball. After seven years of hard work Paul is up to six and a half sentences. No word over eight letters long. No sentence without a wolf reference; yet.
10:21 pm- Goes to apartment building bathroom because his "is on the fritz."
11:55 pm- Rides up and down the elevators for six extra trips because he loves elevator music.
11:59 pm- After killing it and dominating fourteen grilled cheese sandwiches Paul farts four times and passes out on the floor.
Sleep- Paul is dreaming of being rich and sitting on a beach in Mexico where he tells everyone to fuck off. Paul feels great to be able to use the "f" word because in a school he primarily sticks to the H-E double hockey sticks. Paul hates Mexicans, but loves to tell them to fuck off.