" I want to kiss you."

A hilarious youtube clip of former Jets quarterback, Joe Namath, who's being interviewed during a game, and is apparently intoxicated. He makes a move on the sideline reporter as well. Enjoy...

Note: I didn't write this article, I just found it mildly amuzing. It was originally written on collegehumor.com by Jeff Rubin. I am just a butt pirate taking his magnificent work.

Why Penn State University's Jay Bundy is my hero:

After being announced as the winner of the student government elections, Jay proclaimed "If the students are stupid enough to vote for someone so inappropriate and retarded as I am, then they deserve a president who is going to give the worst performance to the best of his ability."

That's his Facebook picture.

At one debate, Jay and his vice presidential candidate both removed their jackets to reveal torn, sleeveless dress shirts. That's exactly the kind of razzle-dazzle showmanship contemporary American politics needs.

blank">He didn't appear on FOX news when they did a story about him.

After winning, he promised his upcoming presidency would be, "a fucking shitshow." He added, "You voted for me, bitches, that was a bad idea."

Whereas many politicians would apologize and attribute their controversial comments to emotional outbursts, Bundy stood by what he said. He commented, "Using my appropriate French, I finalized that with the word shitshow. If people were offended by that, I apologize. We're gonna say sweet nothings on the record all day long. Cut. Quote. Print. That's sounds a lot better than no comment. It's all a game."

He is the president of Penn State's NORML chapter. NORML is, of course, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.

Bundy's opponent was also named Jay. Bundy ran under the slogan, "the best Jay in town."

During the same debate in which he appeared sleeveless, Bundy peppered the dialog with such comments such as "Amen. Hallelujah," "social dynamics for life," and "rock on."

After his outburst, Bundy's vice presidential running mate said, "This is typical, it happened last year about this time. He totally went off the deep end. He disappeared for a couple days, and they found him passed out on the steps of some building at Penn State."

In a three-candidate race where 2,600 people voted, Bundy came in first by almost four hundred votes. He also secured the endorsement of Penn State's student newspaper, The Daily Collegian.

Bundy's actions elicited several letters to the editor from crotchety old alumni. Crotchety old alumni are the worst, and upsetting them is a badge of honor. Crotchetiest quote - "I was hoping this student body took its student government more seriously than to elect this clown Jay Bundy."

Since being elected president, Bundy has been disqualified. Election officials claim that he spent $34.06 more than the guidelines allowed. Controversy persists as to whether Jay is just being punished for his outburst.

As if he wasn't busy enough, Jay was also recently arrested. Earlier this week, he allegedly stole $5 worth of snacks from a gas station. Jay claims he was just leaving to pump his gas and intended to return and pay for everything. When asked about the night he had to spend in jail, Jay commented, "It was fun. I got to wrestle these big guys. They threw me around, and I chewed them out verbally. I spent one night in hell, but do you know how much street cred I got?"

Jay didn't help his own case when he kicked the walls and thew papers all around the district magistrate's office. According to a criminal complaint, while in court he kicked a door closed which then hit a police officer. When told to be quiet, he pounded his shackled hands on the table and pledged to "work the whole system, even the judge."

"He brought a note! He brought a note from his doctor!"


My US History student teacher showed my class and I this clip (during class). Needless to say that isn't the most prodeuctive classes I take, but still one of my favorites for certain reasons. Enjoy...

I am phenomenal.

Short post, just boasting about my unbelievable skills of last weeks action in the NFL. Honestly, I got game. Last Wednesday in my Phildalphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys preview I wrote, "I hope T.O. goes off, but odds are his numbers will look like 3 catches, 44 yards, 0 TDs." In case anybody was wondering, his numbers were 3 catches, 45 yards, and 0 touchdowns. That's just unexplainable. Another note about the phenemenon that is me, I picked every game right last week. A perfect week. Look at my blog if you don't believe me. Honestly, that's pretty good in a whacky league like the NFL. Lastly, I said, "....in a relatively unevntful game besides a Darrent Williams interception in the redzone at the end of the half." There was indeed an interception at the end of the halp, but it was by Champ Bailey. When I was writing my post last week I figured that a quarterback would have to be crazy to throw to homeboy nearing the end of a half. Later on, Darrent Williams got one anyways. There it is, I'm amazing....


On a more serious note:
Joe Theisman said, "When it comes down to the fourth quarter, Steve McNair is Michael Jordan like. He just can takeover." On the next play, he threw an interception clinching the game for the Broncos. How does this man have a job, and how come Bill Simmons isn't on Sunday Night Football. I would much rather hear his funny, thought provoking material compared to Theisman's analysis of how something is going to happen, right after it happens. For example, Mike Anderson came off the bench last night and had runs of 10, 11, then 4. Compared to Jamal Lewis' longest run was of 6 yards. But, after Anderson's 11 yard scamper ol' Joe says, "I really think if the Ravens want move the ball on offense, they must utilize Anderson more in the running game." Well, obviously it's easy to say something like that right after he has his teams longest run of the evening. And the latter part of the quote, what else would they use him in? The passing game, from a guy who has a seven year career, but just 79 catches. Theisman, you can suck a lemon. WHERE'S PAUL MCGUIRE!!!!!!


*I think it's safe to say that Dan's blog (Tidbit Wit) should be permanently changed to Daniel's tidbit shit. He seldom updates, and when he does it is a youtube clip. Those don't even count. Mike Lohmaier and I are both catching up to Dan for Blog Supremacy after his recent apathy.*

Week 5

With another week of exciting NFL action heading our way, I felt it was 100% absolutely neccesary to express my opinions on how the games this week will be played out. Realizing, Nathan will read about the Cards game, and Alan will read about the Bills game, those two will probably be the best ones. Considering at the time, I could argue that the two of them are 100% of my current readers. Keep up the great work guys!

New England over Miami
New England is at home, and quite frankly, that's all they need. Tom Brady isn't bad either. But I'll tell you who is...Daunte Caulpepper. He stinks so bad right now he makes Nathan smell good (Please don't take that offensively, I would be absolutely devastated when I get down to one reader). I say New England wins easily, despite the final score suggesting otherwise as Caulpepper and the 'Fins rally late.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay
While I do think New Orleans is overrated, I do think they are a superior team than the Bucs. Tampa is in trouble, and the game is in the Superdome. Maybe the Saints will have a little energy left in that stadium to win, but I think it will be a close one. Brees will have a big day under center.

Giants over Washington
With everyteam in the NFC east playing another NFC east opponent, it is imaritive that the Giants win this game. if not, Washington and either Philadalphia/Dallas would have 4 wins to New York's 1. In a division as tough as this one you can't fall that far back this early. Shouldn't be a problem though, I think New York will have a comeback in the late third-early fourth and then hold on for the win.

Minnesota over Detroit
While I also think that Minnesota is overrated like the Saints, they are still playing the Lions. I would take Ohio State over the Lions (if it was played in Columbus, I might seriously consider it). Nonetheless, the Vikings will play tough defense, and capitalize on a Lions mistake, because the Vikings aren't going to generate many points by themselves.

Carolina over Cleveland
Let's just call it a hunch....

DAAAAA BILLLSSS over DAAAA BEEAARSSS
Obviosuly I don't think this is going to happen. You would have to take me as a fool to believe the Bills will beat the Bears. I hope they do, but they probably won't. I just said they would because I fear if I said the Bears would win Alan might consider not reading my blog anymore. It would kill me emotionally. Go BILLS!

St Louis over Green Bay
Clearly the Packers are lost without their best player and emotional leader, Javon Walker. Boy howdy do they miss him. Fucking sons of bitches. Fucking Favre thinks he's cool and has the right to call out my boy like that. Well Brett, you can suck it, he's on a good team with a sub-par quarterback who grows wild facial hair. If Favre reads, I want him to know, You're smug. You have to stop being a good-for-nothing trickster, and a crack smoking swindler. You're going down hard someday pal.

Indianapolis over Tennessee
As a joke, do you think Dungy would give the game ball to Vince Young after he throws five interceptions and fumbles twice? I doubt it, but I think it's safe to say we all hope it happens.

Jacksonville over the God Damn Jets
Maybe if I say the Jags will win, I can sway Josh Valletta to start reading again. Although I think it's safe to say I want more readers and will do a lot to bring them back, I firmly believe the Jags will win a close one with the Jets. Not because I think they are close talent wise, but because the Jaguars always have relatively close games.

San Francisco over Oakland
Oakland got to play the Browns last week, and now the Niners. If they don't win this week, they might never win one. They still have the Broncos and Chiefs twice, and the Chargers again. Niners one the other hand can get to win number two, which would be a big step for the city of smugs.

Arizona over Kansas City
Much like the Bears-Bills game, I don't think the Cards will actually win. It's just the last act of a desperate man trying to maintain some interests for his readers. This is a sorry, no, more like a pathetic attempt to bring readers back like the glory days. Oh how the might have fallen.

Dallas over Philadalphia
I think the Eagles will win honestly, I just hate them too much to bold it. I hope T.O. goes off, but odds are his numbers will look like 3 catches, 44 yards, 0 TDs. Does anybody hope he scorse than does the Randy Moss and moon the crowd, except actually do it. Then find the Eagles logo at the middle of the field so he can squat down and act like he's wiping his ass with it. I would forever be Terrell Owens fan.

San Diego over Pittsburgh
I think the Steelers are a very solid team, but the Chargers are playing a lot better. The Broncos can take sole possession of first place with a Chargers loss and Broncos win. For the last six seasons, whomever was leading the AFC west after week six has went on to win the division. I'm rooting heavily for the Steelers needless to say.

Denver over Baltimore
What an intriguing match-up. Seriously, the Broncos will win 24-14 in a relatively unevntful game besides a Darrent Williams interception in the redzone at the end of the half. Besides that, there won't be many great plays. Javon Walker will have a 29 yard catch with 8:21 left in the third, but his numbers won't be spectacular. More importantly wouldn't you rather watch something like the 2000 Ravens defense against the Broncos 1998 offense. TD and Elway vs Boulware and Siragusa. It would be phenomenal.

Less important teams:
Atlanta
Cincinatti
Seattle Houston

Briscoe High School

I know they are a fictional team, but they would be phenomenal. Watch these two commercials...


and



Had this team been real, they would be absolutely unstoppable. That said, I have done two updates in one day. Maybe it is time for Matthew Driffill to get a life. I'll go play Madden.

More Power Rankings!

With another week of NFL action in the books, I believe it's time to go ahead and do another edition of Matt's power rankings. Some things have changed, but with the Broncos on a bye week it was a relatively uneventful week for Matty D. Nonetheless, there were overtimes, comebacks, upsets, and some less exciting games.

1)Indianapolis Colts 4-0
Another game, another win. Every year the Colts are among the league's elite. The last drive by the Colts when they were going in for the league was one of the best drives I have ever witnessed. Not as great as Brady's in the Super Bowl against the Rams, but it was still very good. Manning simply moved the ball down the field with each passing play and led his team to a touchdown. Maybe this year the Colts will get over the hump.

2)Chicago Bears 4-0
I'm writing this during the Seattle-Chicago game, which is probably a bad decision on my part. I think the Bears will win which is why I have picked them this highly. Go Bears!

3)Baltimore Ravens 4-0
I'll be honest, I didn't think this team would be much this season. I still don't, but they knocked off the Chargers who looked very good in their two wins earlier this season. Good news for Broncos fans, if the Ravens can beat the Chargers, anybody can. I still don't think the Ravens can contend with the Bengals and Patriots, but as of now they are in first.

4)Atlanta Falcons 3-1
As I was saying, last week's loss to the overrated Saints was all emotion. If that game had been played in Atlanta it would have been a much different story. More important than Vick and Dunn, is the underrated Falcons defense. They get overlooked, but it won't be long until they start getting some recognition for the team's success.

5)New England Patriots 3-1
What do you do after losing a nationally televised game in your stadium? You got out and do the same thing to somebody else. The Patriots went out there and put it on that ass. Maybe it is just the Shanahan is a better coach than Billichieck, but for some reason the Pats beat everyone but the Broncos. Lawerence Maloney is allready showing that if Dillon goes down, it is no problem for them.

6)Dallas Cowboys 2-1
Coming off a bye, and a big distraction, they went out and took care of bussiness. I know, the Titans aren't much, but the 'Boys looked tough. With Owens in the lineup, and a healthy Julius Jones, this team might just be OK in the NFC East. T.O. travels back to Philadalphia next week, but even more importantly (although it will get far less media attention), the Cowboys and Eagles will be playing for first place in the division.

7)San Diego Chargers 2-1
Maybe they were unprepared, or just got a bye week at a bad time, but they still lost. A game that they could've won too. Had they won that game they would be discussed among the league's best, but now they are just second in the AFC West. Maybe they aren't that good. Their two wins are against the Raiders, and the Titans. Still a lot to tell about this unproven team.

8)Seattle Seahawks 3-1
I'm watching this game, and they are losing! Go Bears!

9)Denver Broncos 2-1
They didn't play this week, so they remain at the same spot as last week. Big game against Baltimore on Monday next week. The Broncos could really make a splash by beating another undefeated team on national television. The Broncos seldom lose at home.

10)Cincinatti Bengals 3-1
They looked like an inferior team all the way aroung against the Patriots on Sunday. I guess the Pats had something to prove after the debacle last week, but maybe all the off the field distractions of the Bengals are finally catching up to them. They are still only one game back in the division, and I'm sure they will bounce back fine, but it's never good to lose a game at home.

11)Philadalphia Eagles 3-1
I guess they could be in the top ten, but I don't like them. Although they should be 4-0 and #1 in the power rankings, they aren't. Because Plaxico Burress 6'5. Too bad for them. T.O. returning to Philly next week. Can't wait to hear all about it everyday on ESPN.

Note: The Eagles actually play tommorow night, I'm just assuming they will defeat the shitty shitty bang bang Packers.

12)St Louis Rams 3-1
Clearly Jim Haslett is a better defensive coordinator than he was a head coach. This team has a unbelievable amount of potential. They have the recipe neccesary to win in the NFL. A big back that can carry the load. A smart, accurate quarterback who won't make mistakes. And a fast defense who can cause turnovers. They also have a couple of playmaking wide recievers that can help along the way.

13)New Orleans Saints 3-1
Although I, unlike many, think this team sucks, they still deserve to be in the top fifteen based on their record. Don't count on this team winning many more games. They just aren't very good. I feel like they can win a few more home games, because they have a lot to play for in that downtrodden city, but you know what, they ain't any good!

14)Carolina Panthers 2-2
Now that Steve Smith is back, things have changed dramatically. They are on a 2-0 win streak, both of wich coming at the hands of division rivals. With Steven A Smith in the lineup well, "quite frankly, that's all they need." Julius Peppers isn't bad either.

15)Jacksonville Jaguars 2-2
Oh how the might have fallen. The Jaguars went from shutting out the defending champs, to dropping two straight. I still think they have what it takes to win somesing like the wildcard. Fortunately they have the amazing ability to be "in" every single game. They never get blown outl, and seldom blow people out. With this ability, they are an exciting team to watch, and a team that will win a lot of games.

16)Buffalo Bills 2-2
A very young team, that gets better every single game. At the begining of this season I had no idea the Bills would have played so good with 25% of the season in the books. Losman, McGahee, and Evans make Bills fans giddy about the future, and even the present. Their defense is amongst the league's best.

17)New York Jets 2-2
They should probably be ahead of Daaa BIllsss, but I don't like 'em. They almost beat the almight Colts, and even that is quite a feat. Still, they are in a division with the Bills, meaning that they're cooked. They are playing a division that is out of their league. DAAA BILLLLSSS

18)Washington Redskins 2-2
They played a very good game against the Jaguars on Sunday. Still, had the defense stepped up, they wouldn't have even had to go to overtime. Brunnell can clearly still play at the NFL level, and a healthy Clinton Portis is the key to their success for the rest of the season.

19)New York Giants 1-2
Although they are only 1-2, they have played three extremely tough teams in Seattle, Philadalphia, and Indianapolis. From here on out they should be OK. I'm sticking by them as my pick to win not only the NFC East, but the entire NFC. Go Giants.

20)Minnesota Vikings 2-2
They aren't very good, although their record suggests that they are. They should have lost to the Redskins in week 1, but John Hall pushed his field goal. They should have lost to the Panthers, had they not went for that fake punt return throwback shit. They shouldn't have even been in the Bears game last week. They will be in a lot of games because they have a fast, aggressive defense that blitzes alot. Offense, not so good.

21)Pittsburgh Steelers 1-2
Although they have a sub-.500 record, I think they will contend for the AFC north title. Once Big Ben starts to play like the super bowl winning quarterback that he is, they will be fine. Last year all they were was a wildcar, and still won the superbowl. Not neccessarily neccessary to have home playoff games.

22)Arizona Cardinals 1-3
So much for Nathan's team. Figures, the year Nathan stops liking the Bills is when they start to find success. Unfortunately his new team sucks more ass than his old team. Obviosuly I think this is funny, because I don't care about the Cards, and I know he doesn't care about the NFL that much.

23)Kansas City Chiefs 1-2
Strong 41-0 win over the Niners coming off their bye week. Their off the shcnide, but I don't think they are much to worry about without Trent Green. Given, he is coming back soon. I wouldn't rule them out yet, they always break late, everyone knows that.

24)Houston Texans 1-3
They, like thew Chiefs, are off the schnide. Good news for Texans fans, but even better news for Bills fans. Two AFC East opponents lose today and they win. Mario Williams, still sackless in his NFL career. To put that in perspective, Julius Peppers has 3 sacks after four NFL games, and he was the second pick in the draft.

25)Miami Dolphins 1-3
I think it's time Nick Saban let Jason Taylor line up at tight end, and Zack Thomas at fullback. Think about an I-Form Big formation. Caulpepper under center, Ronnie Brown and Thomas in the backfield, with Taylor and Randy McMichael at tight end. Then you have Chris Chambers on the outside. I am going to do that in Madden.

26)San Francisco 49ers 1-3
41-0 is never good, but hey unlike some teams, they have one win and that's someting to be happy about. Obviously this year is a rebuilding year, but next year with a good defensive minded draft, and some free agent pick-ups, this team might be a contender. Is that sad? Four weeks in and I'm already talking about their offseason.

27)Green Bay Packers 1-3
I'm writing this on Sunday. The Bears game is on right now. Acutally Mushin Muhammad just score, go Bears! Honestly I'm just assuming that the Eagles will win tommorow night.

28)Cleveland Browns 1-3
Like the 49ers, this is a rebuilding year. Maybe next year they will rebuild some new uniforms. No free agent will come to Cleveland with those uni's. Romeo Crennell is a good coach, and maybe with a healthy Braylon Edwards along with a cocky Kellen Winslow, this team can bring home a few W's.

29)Tennessee Titans 0-4
The Vince Young era has begun. I'm sure, as almost all rookies do, he will struggle. Give him aq few years and a solid supporting cast, and he might do something in this league. He has a rare mobility and a strong arm. I do think he's better than Alex Smith and Aaron Rodgers already, if that's even saying anything.

30)Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-3
Good news for Bucs fans, they can't lose on a bye week! Seriosuly though, hopefully Simms will be OK. You never want to hear about a guy getting seriosuly injured, it's never cool. Plus I am a John Gruden/Cadillac Williams/Derrick Brooks fan. Unfortunately, it seems like it might be a long year for the Bucs. Hopefully they don't become the Yucks again.

31)Detroit Lions 0-4
Come on, nobody is that surprised are they? They are the Lions. They will draft another reciever this year, then pursue to cut him in a fear or two. Come on.

32)Oakland Raiders 0-16
Another game, another loss. With each passing game it feels like they might lose them all. Even the Browns beat them. I'm rooting for them to lose, and so are you, don't lie about it.