"Haha, I got yo ass!"

Found this article on College humor, and found it mildly amusing. Enjoy.


The Anatomy of a Shitty Party
Not every party at college can be a sick rager where all the dudes get laid and half the girls get pregnant, some have to suck for the sake of comparison. How would you know a great party if you never attended a shitty one? The answer is you wouldn’t. However that is not a problem you’ll ever have to worry about because awful parties are as common in college as people lying about who they slept with last weekend. To find out whether the party you’re attending is going to be an embarrassment for years to come, look out for the following signs:



1. Music Nobody Knows: Great, I get to listen to some shitty “indie” band all night. Oh, they’re “underground,” why didn’t you say so? Now, are they called that because they have refused major label attention or because their only shows so far have been in their parents’ basements? People want music they can sing along to, dance to and fingerblast bitches on the futon to, not your second cousin’s alt-punk all-instrumental folk rock. And I don’t care if they got second place in a battle of the high school bands; that was seven years ago. Pathetic.

2. The Host’s High School Friends: Nothing makes a party uncomfortable quicker than a couple of weirdoes standing alone in a corner, laughing at inside jokes and trying not to talk to anyone else. Those weirdoes are also known as the host’s friends from high school. If you do manage to talk to one of them the conversation will generally be about how much different your mutual friend is when he’s at college. You wish you could just smack this kid in the face and say “Listen buddy, I don’t even like your friend. I’m only at his party to get some free booze, steal some DVDs and get a game or two of beer pong in. I really don’t care if he used to like comic books in third grade or the once he farted in a jar and made you smell it. Stop talking to me, I’m trying to figure out if his laptop will fit in my jacket and you’re distracting me.” But instead of saying that you’ll politely listen to his boring stories about your mutual friend and all the “crazy shenanigans” they used to get up to in high school. Goodbye fun night, hello “killer” stories about sneaking into the mini golf place on the weekends.

3. Cans Of Beer…And Nothing Else: What a great idea. Instead of buying one relatively cheap gigantic can of beer that can serve hundreds – otherwise known as a keg - you’ve bought 60 small cans of beer that can serve 60 miserable people or two very happy people. Genius. And who needs an alternate, fast-acting beverage like jungle juice when you have warm cans of beer? Instead of providing you with a choice of alcohol with which to forget your first name, these gracious hosts have taken all the work out of it for you: you’ll drink Natty Light, and only Natty Light. Maybe you’ll even be the lucky one selected to “run to the store and grab a few more thirty racks” an hour into the party? A boy can dream, can’t he?

4. Your Girlfriend: “Why are you talking to that slut?” she’ll be saying all night. “That girl is looking at you.” So what? People look at each other, that’s what they do, you coldhearted wench. There’s no quicker way to ruin a party than dragging the old ball-n-chain in with you. Your friends will immediately deflate because tonight you have to be Steve, not Somebody-hold-my-legs-while-I-do-a-vodka-stand-Steve and they’ll avoid you so they don’t have to talk to the woman who stole their friend away. Plus, you’ll have to be very careful what you do and say for the entire night. “I don’t care if she’s your sister and is visiting for the weekend,” she’ll shriek, “I don’t like you talking to other girls.” Women: can’t live with them, can’t get any from them unless you do. Drag.

5. Bright Lights: I have a great idea. Let’s get a bunch of people together, feed them alcohol till they’re hornier than a prison inmate, put them in a small room together and…turn on a bunch of lights? As the old saying goes: Bright Lights Ruin Nights, and that’s never truer than at a college party. Nobody actually wants to see who they’re sucking tongue with, at least not until the next morning that is, and sometimes not even then. And since parties are essentially about swapping spit with people you barely know, a bright light is the quickest way to ensure that that does not happen. Here’s what will happen however: you’re moving in for a kiss with some drunken girl you met ten minutes ago when you notice that she has a little mustache gracing her upper lip. Not too bad, but she could have at least bleached it. Oh well, you continue in for your kiss. But wait, is that a cold sore below her nose? Oh man, and a stray chin hair? Yup. Christ, I think she’s got a zit ready to be popped right on the end of her nose? Oh man, I think she might have pink eye too. You see? Of course you do, the light is on.

NFL Picks

Doing my last regular season picks for the NFL

New York Giants over Washington
Despite most of the G-Men's players being whiney little bitches, I do believe they will pull through with a win, get a wildcard birth, and make something happen in the wide-open NFC playoffs. Redskins had a down year, but Campbell showed the ability to play at the proffessional level, and if Clinton Portis can stay healthy, they should probably be tough next year.

Cincinnati over Pittsburgh
The defending Super-Bowl champs had a down year, but so did the Cincinattica Bungals. With players getting arrested left and right, is it really a big surprise this team underachieved all year long? I expected Pittsburgh to much better, but Troy Polamula didn't play half as well as he did a year ago, and clearly Big Ben was shaken up due to his offseason incidents. Both these teams will more than likely find much more success in 2007 compared to 2006.

Dallas over Detroit
Dallas needs to win this game in order to have a chance at winning the NFC East and earning a home playoff game. Lucky for them, they are playing the shitty shitty bang bang Lions and should be able to pull one out. Count on Terrell Owens to have seven catches, 84 yards, and one touchdown.

Tennessee over New England
Despite common sense, I am going against Tom Brady, and with Vince Young. In front of the home Tennessee crowd, and with a shot at the playoffs on the line, I expect the Titans to do all they can to win it. Plus, Vince Young is unbelievable, and I don't think even the all-might Bill Billichieck can formulate a plan to contain him.

Kansas City over Jacksonville
Arrowhead Stadium is one of, if not the, toughest places to play in the NFL. Especially in December. In the last 5 years, the Chiefs have lost one December home game, and it was this year to the juggernaut San Diego Super Chargers. Larry Johnson is a man child, and he will personally enjoy knocking the Jacksonville Faguars out of playoff contention.

St. Louis over Minnesota
This one should be a real shitfest. Minnesota, despite their record, is the worst team in the NFL. They have absolutely no talent, on either side of the ball. Stephen Jackson will run all over them, as will Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, and Isaac Bruce. The greatest show on turf will be rejuvinated, but only for this week. They should have held onto Azahir Hakim.

New Orleans over Carolina
Carolina has been decimated with injuries, which is very unfortunate because they are a pretty solid football club. New Orleans is a very explosive team, and even tougher at home where they are averaging 34.8 ppg (completely made up that stat). Reggie Bush is fantastic, Sean Payton should be coach of the year, and Drew Brees should be the Runner up in the MVP voting. Yay New Orleans. By the way, if one team has to win the super bowl and its not the Broncos, this year I am rooting for the Saints.

New York Jets over Oakland
If the New York Jets could squeak out a win over the chitty chitty bang bang Oakland Raiders they could get in the playoffs. Obviously it's clear to see that I do believe they are going to win and then get bounced in the first round of the playoffs against the Colts. Sucks for them right. Eric Mangini deserves a lot of Coach of the Year consideration, but Payton deserves it more. Yay Nawleans!

Seattle over Tampa Bay
With the division locked up and no possible chance of a bye I anticipate that the Seahawks are going to take it relatively easy on Sunday. That said, I still believe that Seneca Wallace and Maurice Morris (Mo-Mo) will defeat the Bucs.

Houston over Cleveland
Greg Kubiak is a spectacular coach, and I wish the Broncos still had him as offensive coordinator. After a big win last week against the Indianapolis Colts I expect them to keep the momentum rolling against fellow chitty chitty bang bang Cleveland Browns. This game, like the one mentioned above, should be a real shitfest that nobody should watch unless they lost a bet, or are a devout fan of one of the teams. And since chitty chitty's don't have devout fans, the latter statement is impossible.

Denver over san Francisco
God if we don't win we don't deserve to go to the playoffs....

Indianapolis over Miami
I'm getting bored, so I don't know. Manning is good and stuff. Yay capitalism!


Sorry, but my short attention span has kicked in. I personally apologize Nathan, but I'm going to go play Madden. Here are my picks for the rest of the games...


Atlanta over Philadelphia
Arizona over San Diego (Just fuckin' with ya,)
Balitmore over Buffalo
Chicago over Green Bay

Spontaneous

--Firstly, I apologize for my blog apathy of late. For some godawful reason, I have been somewhat busy lately and whereas Hoodwinked is normally high on Matt's priority list, it has somewhat fallen substantially for the past two weeks. But now that the holidays are over, I don't have school, lacrosse doesn't pick up for a while, and there isn't enough snow to enjoy snowboarding, I will end up devoting 78% of my time to this, as unfortunate as it is for a person to have that little of a life, it still remains the truth.


--Five weeks ago, I said the Broncos were going to 9-7 and miss out on the playoffs. While that is still a definite possibility, they probably will make the playoffs. With Jay Cutler, you are guarteed at least one mistake per game, which is expected at this age. But with Cutler you can also guarantee three-four shots downfield which can end up in big games. This is the reason Shanahan went with Cutler over Plummer. With Plummer you're guaranteed three-four mistakes per game, and no shots downfield because he can't throw that far. Cutler is going to be one hell of a quarterback. Plus, if Denver wins next week they will be the four seed which would send them to New England where the Broncos beat Tom Brady and the Pats earlier this season. Shanahan has had Billichiek's number for the past three seasons (Denver is 4-0 against them), and I think they are the team that Denver has the best chance of defeating.


--Despite the Bills missing postseason play for the seventh straight season, there was significant progress made this season for the Billy's. Losman has looked halfway decent at times (I still maintain they need to stray away from him), and their young defense has had their moments. Although I think they are much better than year's past, I don't think they are going to make the playoffs in the coming years. The AFC is just too tough with three-four quality teams per division whereas the Bills won't be able to jump the Patriots in the division nor either the , Ravens, Bengals, Jaguars, Titans, Broncos, Chiefs, Steelers, Chargers, Colts, or Jets, in the next few years for the wildcard.


--Vince Young is unbelievable. I thought for sure that he would be the worst amongst the three rookie quarterbacks taken in this year's first roud, but I was dead wrong. He is one of a kind, and can score on any given play from any given distance. Even Michael Vick didn't posses the pure running ability of Vince Young. The crazy thing about him though, he has improved significantly over the past six weeks as a passer. If he ever can pass as good as he can run, then he might go down as one of the best ever. That team in Tennessee is young, and not very talented. Not eight win worthy, but he elevates the play of everyone around him. It's a lot like when he was in Texas. He is on a team with a solid core of players, but he stands out like Eugene wearing a fluorescent orange shirt on the dance days in gym class. He's fantastic. Four weeks ago when the Titans were on a non-important, non-playoff influential three game winstreak somebody asked me, I think it was Josh Valleta, "How many championships do you think the Titans will win with Vince Young?" I replied with a smirk, laugh, and a resounding, "none." Mainly because they won't ever win the division as long as Manning is a Colt. But Manning can't play forever, and there is a seven or eight year difference between Manning and Young. Once Manning is gone, and if the Titans keep building and getting better, and they hold on to Vince Young, then I don't doubt they could win at least one.


--Christmas was fantastic. Pretty standard. Although I do wish that I was younger and still possessed the belief in Santa Claus because I recall that waking up on Christmas morning was always my favorite moment of the year when I was a youngster. I miss those days.

Best Running Backs Ever

With LDT breaking touchdown records left and right, I felt it appropriate to go ahead and write about the three best running backs ever to grace the NFL with their talents. Many say this is arguable, and I suppose it is, but I am almost certain that everyone would agree upon these three backs as the top three. Although Shane will argue for Thurman Thomas, and Nathan will argue for Edgerrin James, they are both far off this list.

3) Walter Payton
For an extended period of time, this Chicago Bear was the all-time leader in rushing yards. Although he no longer has as many yards as Emmit Smith, I think it's safe to say that everybody agrees Payton was a much better back. An all-around great player. He is amongst only three players in NFL history to throw for a touchdown, run for a touchdown, and catch a touchdown in the same game (along with David Patten, formerly of the New England Patriots, and Ladanian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers). He won the 1977 NFL MVP award has he cruised past the 1000 yard mark for the third time in his young career. That same year he also captured the Pro Bowl MVP. Understood, Pro Bowl MVP isn't that significant of an award, it still remains Mark Brunnell's greatest achievement. He was a member of what is said to be one of, if not, the greatest team in NFL history. The coach of that team, Ditka, has publicaly said that they wouldn't have won the Super Bowl without him (He said so last Sunday on ESPN's NFL countdown when they were discussing the greatest running backs. It actually inspired this article). The best player, on arguably the best team in history solidifies his place amongst the league's elite.

2) Jim Brown
Holds the record for most yards per carry. Really, that is an underappreciated record, because I'd rather have a guy that could pound out a little over five yards a carry opposed to somebody who hangs around the league long enough to break Payton's record (See: Emmit Smith). Brown recieved rookie of the year honors during his innaugural season in 1957. In his short, but incredible nine-year career, he didn't miss a single game. In this day and age, that would be unheard of for a running back. He was a complete back who could catch, block, and even run-back kicks. Hell, he was even an All-American lacrosse player, and god knows I love lacrosse. Unfortunately he retired at a young age in pursuit of another career. He skipped the Cleveland Browns training camp in the summer of 1966 when he was acting in The Dirty Dozen. The Brown's owner at the time, Art Modell, threatened Brown, and it backfired big time. The superstar running back pretty much told him to fuck off and he retired before the 1966 season. When he retired he held pretty much every major record, and had only played nine years. Had he played for as long as some aging liberal hippy douches, then his records might only have been touched by our number one guy.




If that wasn't a great transition sentence, then I don't know what is....



1) Barry Sanders
Won the Heisman trophy in 1988 with the Oklahoma State Cowboys. He went on and played his entire NFL career with the downtrodden Detroit Lions. He single handedly carried that team during his entire career there. The front-office in Detroit wasn't as bad as it is now (Matt Millen probably would have traded Sanders for a deck of uno cards, thr Animal House: Double Secret Probation DVD, and a 3D puzzle of the Empire State Building). Throughout his tenure, their front-office failed to give Sanders, an adequate quarterback, offensive live, defense, wide-recievers, or anything else. This is what makes him so special. He thrived on one of the worst teams in the leauge year in and year out. In 1997 he ran for over 2000 yards, becoming only the third person (up to that point) to do so. He led the Lions to the playoffs in 1991, and they defeated the Dallas Cowboys in their only playoff victory throughout their history. Althought that would be the farthest he would get with the Lions. In my humble opinion he is extremely underrated. He ran for over 2000 yards, and still only got Co-MVP mostly because of his sub-par squad. Sanders, like Brown retired relatively early for how much success he was having. He, along with Jim Brown, are the only two players amongst the league's all-time 100 leading rushers with an average over 5 yards a carry. He still has the highest yards per game, as well as the highest yards per season as any player in NFL history. He was on pace to shatter Payton's record. He was on pace to break the age-old record if he would have just played one more year. His balance and vision has been unmatched, and I doubt we will ever see another Barry Sanders for a very long time.



Honorable Mention: Emmit Smith, Franco Harris, Marcus Allen, Erik Dickerson, Terrell Davis, Curtis Martin, Tony Dorsett, Larry Csonka, Marshall Faulk, and Ladanian Tomlinson.


also keep an eye on: Reggie Bush, Adrian Peterson, Darren McFadden, and Noel Devine

The Two Best Commercials Of All Time.....

....Kinda

These are two Powerade commercials. I loved both of them.




and

Stizzuff

--The Jay Cutler era begins on Sunday against the Seahawks. Although I don't think he is going to be great right away, I do think he will develop and be amongst the league's best for a long time to come. Besides, he can't play any worse than Jake "I should've been a" Plummer. Hopefully the Cutler to Walker connection becomes the new Elway to McCaffrey, or Elway to Smith connection. Either of which would be a good sitiation. Unfortunately, we have no Terrell Davis (who is up for the hall of fame next year, and he deserves is despite his short career).

--I still maintain that JP Losman is not the answer in Buffalo. He might have flashes of brilliance, but I feel like there is more out there. I think at most, he has two more years in Buffalo to really show he can make them a contender before they make their move. I'm rooting for him, but I never have thought for a moment that he would be a good quarterback in the NFL.

--Fall league indoor championship is this Monday, and our Lacrosse team is going to win it when we down Churchville. I think this is the most complete Lancer Lax team of all time, and there is still only two starting seniors. Exciting times to be a fan of Lancer Lax.

--The Lancer basketball team is a lot better than they have been for the last four years, if that means anything.

--The hockey team is a lot worse than they were last year.

Now it's time for NFL picks...

Cincinnati over Baltimore
Chicago over Minnesota
Kansas City over Cleveland
San Diego over Buffalo
Indianapolis over Tennessee
NY Jets over Green Bay
Atlanta over Washington
New England over Detroit
St. Louis over Arizona
San Francisco over New Orleans
Oakland over Houston
Miami over Jacksonville
NY Giants over Dallas
Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay
Denver over Seattle
Carolina over Philadelphia

Top 5 Montages

This post was actually and idea by big Shane-O Mac. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a blog to write it on, so he told me to do so. Montages are used quite often in the film industry. For those uneducated people, or those who haven't see Team America: World Police, a montage is a series of clips with a song in the backround. The montage is used to make a lot of time pass by in the movie with very little time used in real life. Days at a time can be passed in minutes. It also helps everybody remind what's going on with other sub-plots. In my opinion the most important factor of the montage is not the clips, but what song is playing, and how good said song is.


5) Rocky IV (No Easy Way Out)
This montage was with the great 80's classic, No Easy Way Out. In this montage you can see Rocky Balboa driving off in his fancy car. He takes a trip down two roads. One down an actual road, and the other, a metaphorical road, memory lane. This montage is made up of a bunch of clips from past series and even Rocky IV. This montage occurs right after homeboy Apollo dies. Needless to say, Rocky had some soul searching to do. He knew he wanted to fight Drago, not for money, but for pride. I mean Drago did kill his best friend. Pretty much and Rocky movie (exlcuding the fifth) could have a montage worty of the top 5, but this one was significat as it hosted images from other movies, had a great song, and Stallone downshifts over thirty-five times. I know, I thought it was impossible too.

4) Rocky IV (Hearts on Fire)
Surprise surprise, another great Rocky montage. Rocky invented the Montage, so naturally the series will boast a few phenomenal ones. In this particular montage, Rocky is chopping wood, climbing mountains, picking up sleds, and all kidns of unorthodox training techniques. This of course is the polar opposite to what Ivan Drago is using in his state of the art training facilities. This was a superb montage because one, Hearts on Fire is a rockin' tune, two Stallone boasts one hell of a beard, and three homeboy reaches the summit of a relatively large mountain in no time. Amazing that the two best Rocky montages come from the same movie, but it's true. Not surprisingly, Rocky IV is the best in the series. Feel free to debate, but you're wrong.

3) Blow (Black Betty)
I already know that Shane is going to be pissed about this ranking. He will maintain that is deserves to be number one, but that is because he is stupid. And has to much of a life to not sit on the computer and rank montages. Too bad for him. Luckily, it still cracked the top five. First off, Blow is an outstanding movie, and should be watched by absolutely everyone. Black Betty is a sweet tune that I enjoy, and I'm sure many others enjoy. Shane is even making a push for it to appear on the lacrosse warm-up CD. This is surely a great montage. Lots of action, lots of Johhny Depp, lots of money, lots of blow, but it is too short. Most montages are in the three-four minutes range while this one is a mere one minute, thirty-eight second montage. It's awesome, and has plenty of great clips, but not enough happens to make it in the top two.

2) Zoolander (Beat It)
Some will argue that the Walk-Off isn't a montage, but those of you who say that aren't intelligent. It has a song, a series of clips, and it shortens the length of a scene that would be either much longer, or much worse without the art of the montage. Great song, and perfect for the scene. Speaking of which, if you have some free time, go watch the Beat It video. It'll surely give you a laugh or two. Especially in the begining when people just climb out of sewers and windows, and a bunch of other things. But the Walk-Off is phenomenal, exciting, funny, and unique. Great job by the directors, but it falls short of our number one spot.

And lastly, the number one montage is....

1) Wedding Crashers (Shout)
Let the debating begin, but let's face it. This montage is the grand-daddy of montages. It hosts everything you could possibly want from a montage. First off, great song. If you listen to "Shout" by Otis Day and the Knights, and don't find yourself singin' along at one point throughout it then I just question your manhood (I say this assuming that no girls read this). Secondly, this montage hosts a number of hot girls. An added bonus, lots of boobs. I don't care how old I get, but seeing a nice pair of breastsessess will always be awesome. There is also a lot of funny parts in this montage. And, drinking, dancing, cake, eating, toasting, cutting, magic, story-tellin', staring, etc. When you break it down, it just doesn't get any better than this one right here. At least not yet. As far as I'm concerned, the world might be around for another twelve-fifteen years.

Somesing


--The Broncos dropped one last night despite being up 24-7 at home. I hate ot say it, but the Chargers are the best team in football, and Tomlinson, when it's all said and done, might go down as the greatest to ever play the game. Seriosuly though, Manning, Brady, and LT are all in one generation, and could go down as the two best quarterbacks, and the best running back ever. Needless to say, the NFL is pretty good right now. Bad times for everybody who has to play Tomlinson. I'm sure the majority of you know he had a fifty one yard touchdown catch, but watching it really made me respect how phenomenal he is. Homeboy caught it in the middle of the field, and then went untouched for fifty yards. How do you go untouched up the middle for that long? He is by far the fastest guy in the NFL, no question, and is probably the best overall player in the NFL.


--I asked a friend of mine recently (I think it was Tom) "Can you name four players in the NFL from Syracuse?" He got one, Donovan McNabb. He is a give-in, but only I could name three others. Which is somewhat pathetic because the majority of my life is (in order) Guidas, breathing, Lax, and the NFL. But without me telling you, can you name three others besides McNabb?
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See. Syracuse sucks. I got McNabb, Marvin Harrison, Dwight Freeney, and Kyle Johnson (Broncos fullback). Syracuse has gone to hell in a short amount of time. You know what's worse? The basketball team is the only thing Syracuse has now. Their once very dominant lacrosse program is now fighting to be in the top-10. In retrospect, Ohio State and Florida are in the top 5 for basketball and football (Florida might be in the top 5 for baseball too, but I don't know). Syracuse's big thing is a top-25 basketball team, that will more than likely struggle throughout the season. I'm rooting for Syracuse, but the glory days of the Orange are far past us at this point.


--If Florida runs the table (which I doubt will actually happen) I think they deserve a spot in the national championship. They lost a very close game, to a very good team, in Auburn. Whereas USC lost to the Mighty Beavers of Oregon State (Note: Everytime I do a mascot game in NCAA I play as Benny the Beaver. If possible, I want to be him for halloween next year). Despite USC probably getting in, I think it would be better if Michigan got the bid over them. I would really like to see Michigan-Ohio State in a neutral state.

--Not that the above paragraph matters. Ohio State is a superior team than everybody. The only reason that Michigan game was so close was because Michigan played with a lot more emotion due to the death of Bo. I don't think anybody could beat Ohio State.

--Troy Smith is going to win the heisman in a landslide victory. Despite me pulling heavily for Brady Quinn, I doubt that the final tally is closer than 100 points. Although I am sure I'm not the only one rooting for Tim Tebow. Tebow is the balls. Eugene knows what I'm talking about.

--Tom Lohmaier had a higher GPA than me this quarter. The sad thing, I still had a 90. Yeah, I didn't see that one coming either.

--There is absolutely no question about it anymore. Lacrosse is much more fun that football.

--I used to think going out with girls who were over a half a year younger than you was weird. I recently changed my opinion on that, but no more than 9 months younger than you. Right, I mean 9 months is more than acceptable in this day and age.

--I have absolutely no idea what I want for Christmas. The other day my mom asked me and I replied, "Nothing but friends and a few cold ones." Of course I was kidding, but Lauren didn't think it was so funny. Seriously though, if anybody has any sweet gift ideas let me know. I'm very open to suggestions.

--Before I end this post, let em reitterate....Tom Lohmaier had a higher GPA than me, and beat Shane and Nathan by over 10 points. High five to Tommy Lohms.

NFL Picks!

I'm about to score some uber pawnage with this week's NFL action. I'm feeling these ones.

Carolina over St. Louis
Call me nuts, but I think the Cats of Carolina are going to stroll right through the rest of the regular season and the playoffs. Yes, I am picking them in the super bowl.

Tampa Bay over Washington
The Jason Cambell era begins this Sunday at the new sombrero. I think the Bucs are going to squeak out a close one, and Rhonde Barber might have two picks.

Cincinnati over New Orleans
New Orleans is one of the toughest places to play, especially this season. That said, I'll take a middle-of-the-pack AFC team over one of the better NFC teams any day of the week. A prime example would be the Dolphins over Bears of two weeks ago. Or the Browns over the Falcons last week.

Philadelphia over Tennessee
I think it's safe to say at least two NFC East teams, maybe three are going to make the playoffs this year. I think it will be Philadelphia and the G-Men, as the Eagles are holding the tie-breaker of the D-Boys. This is of course assuming New Orleans doesn't drop off. If they do, they will probably all make the playoffs.

Chicago over New York Jets
Yeah I'll admit, the Jets have played much better than I assumed they would. Eric Mangini is slowly making himself a case for coach of the year with Sean Payton. They are only one game back in the division and could make some serious noise of the Bears this week. Although I doubt that happens. The Bears are as tough as they come.

Miami over Minnesota
If the last two weeks is any indication of what is to come, than the Dolphins will have a lot to look forward to next season. Just like last year, they started very slowly, and then played outstanding in the second half. I think it's safe to say Nick Saban is going nowhere.

Kansas City over Oakland
Trent Green might make his return this week. I don't think it really matters with Larry Johnson vs the Oakland run defense. Fantasy owners should expect a huggggggge day from LJ this week. 200 yards and 3 touchdowns for those counting at home.

New England over Green Bay
Green Bay is looking solid with a rejuvinated Favre, and the Pats have dropped two in a row. Call me nuts, but I think Brady will go ahead and win this one. Even if he has to pull a Chalky Stoudabaker and throw it to himself.

Pittsburgh over Cleveland
I can't explain this one. Cleveland is coming off a huge win over the Falcons. The Steelers have all but given up on this season. Yet for some reason, we all know the Steelers will win.

Baltimore over Atlanta
As much as I want to say Atlanta will win, I don't think they will. They are in the NFC, which is obviously inferior. So I say the Ravens win 26-17

*Note: Nathan's favorite team is in the NFC and still has an awful record.*

Buffalo over Houston
I'm not just saying this to hope my readers will keep coming back for the good stuff. I'm saying this because the Billy's were a few feet from really challenging the Colts in the RCA Dome. Although the Bills are the most inconsistant team in the NFL, I believe they will pull a win out. Anthony Thomas. I understand that "Anthony Thomas" is a fragment. But What else can I say about their offense?

Arizona over Detroit
Detroit goes out and pulls out a win against the Falcons, then loses at home to the Niners. How does somebody explain this in any other way than the NFC is so bad, that every conference game is just a toss-up to which team has less turnovers.

Seatlle over San Francisco
Seneca Wallace is one of my favorite back ups in the league. He's fun to watch, has a pretty sweet quarterback number, and I always draft him in Madden for my fantasy team.

Indy over Dallas
Lots of people (ESPN Poll asked "Which team will beat the Colts if the lose in the regular season?" The 'Boys got somewhere around 46% and was the overwhelming favorite. I actually voted for Jacksonville, but who cares.) think that this will be the week Indy goes down. I think not. The Colts are a great team, and at this point I would be surprised to see them lose. Not just the regular season, but I think they will win the super bowl.

San Diego over Denver
I pray to god that I am wrong, but I fear this team, and more specifically Tomlinson.

Jacksonville over New York Giants
I am sticking to my "AFC > NFC" theory here as a mediocre AFC team is squaring up with and "elite" NFC team. I probably won't watch this game although I predict it will be close and exciting.

Top 5 Holidays

Since it was Halloween recently I can only think of one thing, Christmas. I always do this time of year. And since I finally now have a blog I can rate the top ten holidays. As always these are my favorite holidays, although I think it will be tough for my readers (Alan and Nathan) to disagree with them. Note: Some of these holidays are religiously based, so please excuse a few of them.

1-Christmas
Everybody loves Christmas. If somebody tried to tell you it wasn't their favorite holiday, then you should remove your shoe and slap them with it. Christmas is superior to any other holiday in many ways. It's at the end of the year, so all year you can't wait for it to come. You get free items. And I'm not talking about just candy like Halloween, but actual stuff. There is a million Christmas songs that are fun to listen to as you fill your house with decorations and a green ass tree. And hell, it was Jesus Christ's birthday. And he was a pretty cool guy. The main reason you can tell that Christmas is number one; when it's Thanksgiving people are just stoked its almost time for Christmas.

2-Halloween
Halloween is always a great time. "The other 364 days of the year are about getting handjobs, tonight is about getting free candy." Seriosuly though, Halloween is a great time. Even in school, it as if school is a free day because you can battle fellow ninjas, or play dodgeball in the parking lot. Everything is fair game. Besides that, it gives girls a reason to dress as slutty as possible. And that might just be the best gift from the holidays. Frankly I wish girls dressed that sluttly more often. But yes, getting away with things in school, free candy, girls that are dressing slutty. All-around, it's a good holiday. In addition, Scary Movies like Halloween, and fun Halloween episodes of popular TV shows. And Halloween is a great party date.

3-New Year's Eve
Just a fun way to celebrate the end of the year. As a youngster I loved it. Got to hang out with friends, and stay up all the way to 12:00!. That was allways exciting. Now-a-days, that I'm still a youngster, but not as younster-ish, I now have an excuse to get sauced up. Last year, I played beer pong with my dad. The weird thing (aside from him and Shane defeating Dan and myself) was that it wasn't as awkward as playing a drinking game with my father should have been. You know why, because he knew I was going to get drunk anyways. New Year's, I'm sure will get gradually better as I gradually get older. Eventually when I'm too old to party it will suck, and I'll be depressed. Until then, "WE ARE THE YOUTH GONE WILD!"

4-St. Patrick's Day
Much like Christmas, this is racial based. Fortunately for me, I belong to the greatest people in the world; the Irish. So for all of you John Gotti blown-out douchebags who wear Italia shirts and what not, I have a question? Where is your holiday where the sole purpose is to get drunk? I rest my case. I think Italian's celebrate their race so much because they are envious of the Irish to the north, but are too big of aarogant assholes to admit it. It's ok, I'll admit it for you. Bless you St. Patrick, for you have solidified the Irish as the dominant race on the earth.

5-Any day that warrants a missed school day
Basically this is how it went down. Valentine's day is depressing, especially if you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Even if you do have on, still depressing. Easter is extremely overrated because it is associated with Spring Break, but Easter is one day. If Spring break were holiday that would be a whole different subject. The 4th of July is OK I guess, but it's very repititive. Therefore the 5th best holiday is Matrin Luther King Day, Memorial Day, Verteran's Day, Columbus Day, Good Friday, Superintendents day, and things of that nature.

Happy Kwanza

NFL Halfway Point

The NFL season has been a whacky one indeed. Lots of upsets, nail-biters, and some blowouts. This is my season review as it is from today. Needless to say, it's not going as many expected.
*Note: I wrote this before the Monday Night Football game, assuming the Raiders would lose.*

AFC East
New England Patriots 6-2
New York Jets 4-4
Buffalo Bills 3-5
Miami Dolphins 2-6

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens 6-2
Cincinatti Bengals 4-4
Cleveland Browns 2-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 2-6

AFC South
Indianapolis Colts 8-0
Jacksonville Jaguars 5-3
Tennessee Titans 2-6
Houston Texans 2-6

AFC West
Denver Broncos 6-2
San Diego Chargers 6-2
Kansas City Chiefs 5-3
Oakland Raiders 2-6

NFC East
New York Giants 6-2
Dallas Cowboys 4-4
Philadelphia Eagles 4-4
Washington Redskins 3-5

NFC North
Chicago Bears 7-1
Minnesota Vikings 4-4
Green Bay Packers 3-5
Detroit Lions 2-6

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 6-2
Atlanta Falcons 5-3
Carolina Panthers 4-4
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2-6

NFC West
Seattle 5-3
St. Louis 4-4
San Fransisco 3-5
Arizona1-7


Best Game: Colts at Broncos (Week 7)
Most Dissapointing: Pittsburgh Steelers (2-6)
Biggest Surprise: New Orleans Saints (6-2)
Offensive Rookie: Marques Colston (New Orleans Saints)
Defensive Rookie: AJ Hawk (Green Bay Packers)
Best Coach: Sean Payton (New Orleans Saints)
Worst Coach: Art Shell (Oakland Raiders)
Barry Bonds: Shawn Merriman (San Diego Chargers)
Offensive MVP: LaDanidan Tomlinson (San Diego Chargers)
Defensive MVP: Champ Bailey (Denver Broncos)
Overall MVP: Peyton Manning (Indianapolis Colts)

I can back up any of these. I defy you to denounce these awards. I'll throw it back in your face with stats and swear words. You'll learn to love both of which. Talking to you Alan and Nathan.

"Woohoo!"

NFL Picks

Sorry that I suck at blogging. But in my defense, I am still much better than Dan. Lacrosse started officially at 6 am this morning (which was awesome in my opinion). Therefore I think it is completely appropriate to go ahead and throw out my picks for this weekend. The last time I did this I was absolutely perfect, let's hope I do well again this week. (Home team in bold)

Buffalo over Green Bay
-Come on, it's fucking Brett Favre at home

Chicago over Miami
-Chicago is pretty tough. Plus they have Ditka, which is much scarier than Urlacher.

Atlanta over Detroit
-Vick is becoming a pretty good passer. Good for him right.

Kansas City over St. Louis
-Although the Rams defeated the Broncos (which obviosuly makes them lucky or phenomenal) I think LJ is too much for their Jim Haslett coached defense.

New York Giants over Houston
-Call it a hunch.

Tampa Bay over New Orlenas
-This will most likely be the pick that I get wrong, but I think Bush and the Saints are overrated. Plus, it's the new sombero.

Dallas over Washington
-This heated rivarly has been pretty shitty, needless to say, Tony Romo will tear it up.

Jacksonville over Tennessee
-I think Gerrard has exactly what it takes to defeat Young and the Titans. Is that saying much?

Cincinatti over Baltimore
-I think Cincy's O is better than Baltimore's D, couldn't tell you why though.

Minnesota over San Francisco
-Minnesota is overrated, and they suck. But they're playing the Niners.

Denver over Pittsburgh
-I hope so. If the Raiders can, we can right?

San Diego over Cleveland
-The Cleveland Browns are going to the superbowl.

New England over Tom Brady
-I hope they win, I hated the fucking Colts.

Seattle over Oakland
-The Raiders are only three games out! They still suck.

" I want to kiss you."

A hilarious youtube clip of former Jets quarterback, Joe Namath, who's being interviewed during a game, and is apparently intoxicated. He makes a move on the sideline reporter as well. Enjoy...

Note: I didn't write this article, I just found it mildly amuzing. It was originally written on collegehumor.com by Jeff Rubin. I am just a butt pirate taking his magnificent work.

Why Penn State University's Jay Bundy is my hero:

After being announced as the winner of the student government elections, Jay proclaimed "If the students are stupid enough to vote for someone so inappropriate and retarded as I am, then they deserve a president who is going to give the worst performance to the best of his ability."

That's his Facebook picture.

At one debate, Jay and his vice presidential candidate both removed their jackets to reveal torn, sleeveless dress shirts. That's exactly the kind of razzle-dazzle showmanship contemporary American politics needs.

blank">He didn't appear on FOX news when they did a story about him.

After winning, he promised his upcoming presidency would be, "a fucking shitshow." He added, "You voted for me, bitches, that was a bad idea."

Whereas many politicians would apologize and attribute their controversial comments to emotional outbursts, Bundy stood by what he said. He commented, "Using my appropriate French, I finalized that with the word shitshow. If people were offended by that, I apologize. We're gonna say sweet nothings on the record all day long. Cut. Quote. Print. That's sounds a lot better than no comment. It's all a game."

He is the president of Penn State's NORML chapter. NORML is, of course, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.

Bundy's opponent was also named Jay. Bundy ran under the slogan, "the best Jay in town."

During the same debate in which he appeared sleeveless, Bundy peppered the dialog with such comments such as "Amen. Hallelujah," "social dynamics for life," and "rock on."

After his outburst, Bundy's vice presidential running mate said, "This is typical, it happened last year about this time. He totally went off the deep end. He disappeared for a couple days, and they found him passed out on the steps of some building at Penn State."

In a three-candidate race where 2,600 people voted, Bundy came in first by almost four hundred votes. He also secured the endorsement of Penn State's student newspaper, The Daily Collegian.

Bundy's actions elicited several letters to the editor from crotchety old alumni. Crotchety old alumni are the worst, and upsetting them is a badge of honor. Crotchetiest quote - "I was hoping this student body took its student government more seriously than to elect this clown Jay Bundy."

Since being elected president, Bundy has been disqualified. Election officials claim that he spent $34.06 more than the guidelines allowed. Controversy persists as to whether Jay is just being punished for his outburst.

As if he wasn't busy enough, Jay was also recently arrested. Earlier this week, he allegedly stole $5 worth of snacks from a gas station. Jay claims he was just leaving to pump his gas and intended to return and pay for everything. When asked about the night he had to spend in jail, Jay commented, "It was fun. I got to wrestle these big guys. They threw me around, and I chewed them out verbally. I spent one night in hell, but do you know how much street cred I got?"

Jay didn't help his own case when he kicked the walls and thew papers all around the district magistrate's office. According to a criminal complaint, while in court he kicked a door closed which then hit a police officer. When told to be quiet, he pounded his shackled hands on the table and pledged to "work the whole system, even the judge."

"He brought a note! He brought a note from his doctor!"


My US History student teacher showed my class and I this clip (during class). Needless to say that isn't the most prodeuctive classes I take, but still one of my favorites for certain reasons. Enjoy...

I am phenomenal.

Short post, just boasting about my unbelievable skills of last weeks action in the NFL. Honestly, I got game. Last Wednesday in my Phildalphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys preview I wrote, "I hope T.O. goes off, but odds are his numbers will look like 3 catches, 44 yards, 0 TDs." In case anybody was wondering, his numbers were 3 catches, 45 yards, and 0 touchdowns. That's just unexplainable. Another note about the phenemenon that is me, I picked every game right last week. A perfect week. Look at my blog if you don't believe me. Honestly, that's pretty good in a whacky league like the NFL. Lastly, I said, "....in a relatively unevntful game besides a Darrent Williams interception in the redzone at the end of the half." There was indeed an interception at the end of the halp, but it was by Champ Bailey. When I was writing my post last week I figured that a quarterback would have to be crazy to throw to homeboy nearing the end of a half. Later on, Darrent Williams got one anyways. There it is, I'm amazing....


On a more serious note:
Joe Theisman said, "When it comes down to the fourth quarter, Steve McNair is Michael Jordan like. He just can takeover." On the next play, he threw an interception clinching the game for the Broncos. How does this man have a job, and how come Bill Simmons isn't on Sunday Night Football. I would much rather hear his funny, thought provoking material compared to Theisman's analysis of how something is going to happen, right after it happens. For example, Mike Anderson came off the bench last night and had runs of 10, 11, then 4. Compared to Jamal Lewis' longest run was of 6 yards. But, after Anderson's 11 yard scamper ol' Joe says, "I really think if the Ravens want move the ball on offense, they must utilize Anderson more in the running game." Well, obviously it's easy to say something like that right after he has his teams longest run of the evening. And the latter part of the quote, what else would they use him in? The passing game, from a guy who has a seven year career, but just 79 catches. Theisman, you can suck a lemon. WHERE'S PAUL MCGUIRE!!!!!!


*I think it's safe to say that Dan's blog (Tidbit Wit) should be permanently changed to Daniel's tidbit shit. He seldom updates, and when he does it is a youtube clip. Those don't even count. Mike Lohmaier and I are both catching up to Dan for Blog Supremacy after his recent apathy.*

Week 5

With another week of exciting NFL action heading our way, I felt it was 100% absolutely neccesary to express my opinions on how the games this week will be played out. Realizing, Nathan will read about the Cards game, and Alan will read about the Bills game, those two will probably be the best ones. Considering at the time, I could argue that the two of them are 100% of my current readers. Keep up the great work guys!

New England over Miami
New England is at home, and quite frankly, that's all they need. Tom Brady isn't bad either. But I'll tell you who is...Daunte Caulpepper. He stinks so bad right now he makes Nathan smell good (Please don't take that offensively, I would be absolutely devastated when I get down to one reader). I say New England wins easily, despite the final score suggesting otherwise as Caulpepper and the 'Fins rally late.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay
While I do think New Orleans is overrated, I do think they are a superior team than the Bucs. Tampa is in trouble, and the game is in the Superdome. Maybe the Saints will have a little energy left in that stadium to win, but I think it will be a close one. Brees will have a big day under center.

Giants over Washington
With everyteam in the NFC east playing another NFC east opponent, it is imaritive that the Giants win this game. if not, Washington and either Philadalphia/Dallas would have 4 wins to New York's 1. In a division as tough as this one you can't fall that far back this early. Shouldn't be a problem though, I think New York will have a comeback in the late third-early fourth and then hold on for the win.

Minnesota over Detroit
While I also think that Minnesota is overrated like the Saints, they are still playing the Lions. I would take Ohio State over the Lions (if it was played in Columbus, I might seriously consider it). Nonetheless, the Vikings will play tough defense, and capitalize on a Lions mistake, because the Vikings aren't going to generate many points by themselves.

Carolina over Cleveland
Let's just call it a hunch....

DAAAAA BILLLSSS over DAAAA BEEAARSSS
Obviosuly I don't think this is going to happen. You would have to take me as a fool to believe the Bills will beat the Bears. I hope they do, but they probably won't. I just said they would because I fear if I said the Bears would win Alan might consider not reading my blog anymore. It would kill me emotionally. Go BILLS!

St Louis over Green Bay
Clearly the Packers are lost without their best player and emotional leader, Javon Walker. Boy howdy do they miss him. Fucking sons of bitches. Fucking Favre thinks he's cool and has the right to call out my boy like that. Well Brett, you can suck it, he's on a good team with a sub-par quarterback who grows wild facial hair. If Favre reads, I want him to know, You're smug. You have to stop being a good-for-nothing trickster, and a crack smoking swindler. You're going down hard someday pal.

Indianapolis over Tennessee
As a joke, do you think Dungy would give the game ball to Vince Young after he throws five interceptions and fumbles twice? I doubt it, but I think it's safe to say we all hope it happens.

Jacksonville over the God Damn Jets
Maybe if I say the Jags will win, I can sway Josh Valletta to start reading again. Although I think it's safe to say I want more readers and will do a lot to bring them back, I firmly believe the Jags will win a close one with the Jets. Not because I think they are close talent wise, but because the Jaguars always have relatively close games.

San Francisco over Oakland
Oakland got to play the Browns last week, and now the Niners. If they don't win this week, they might never win one. They still have the Broncos and Chiefs twice, and the Chargers again. Niners one the other hand can get to win number two, which would be a big step for the city of smugs.

Arizona over Kansas City
Much like the Bears-Bills game, I don't think the Cards will actually win. It's just the last act of a desperate man trying to maintain some interests for his readers. This is a sorry, no, more like a pathetic attempt to bring readers back like the glory days. Oh how the might have fallen.

Dallas over Philadalphia
I think the Eagles will win honestly, I just hate them too much to bold it. I hope T.O. goes off, but odds are his numbers will look like 3 catches, 44 yards, 0 TDs. Does anybody hope he scorse than does the Randy Moss and moon the crowd, except actually do it. Then find the Eagles logo at the middle of the field so he can squat down and act like he's wiping his ass with it. I would forever be Terrell Owens fan.

San Diego over Pittsburgh
I think the Steelers are a very solid team, but the Chargers are playing a lot better. The Broncos can take sole possession of first place with a Chargers loss and Broncos win. For the last six seasons, whomever was leading the AFC west after week six has went on to win the division. I'm rooting heavily for the Steelers needless to say.

Denver over Baltimore
What an intriguing match-up. Seriously, the Broncos will win 24-14 in a relatively unevntful game besides a Darrent Williams interception in the redzone at the end of the half. Besides that, there won't be many great plays. Javon Walker will have a 29 yard catch with 8:21 left in the third, but his numbers won't be spectacular. More importantly wouldn't you rather watch something like the 2000 Ravens defense against the Broncos 1998 offense. TD and Elway vs Boulware and Siragusa. It would be phenomenal.

Less important teams:
Atlanta
Cincinatti
Seattle Houston

Briscoe High School

I know they are a fictional team, but they would be phenomenal. Watch these two commercials...


and



Had this team been real, they would be absolutely unstoppable. That said, I have done two updates in one day. Maybe it is time for Matthew Driffill to get a life. I'll go play Madden.

More Power Rankings!

With another week of NFL action in the books, I believe it's time to go ahead and do another edition of Matt's power rankings. Some things have changed, but with the Broncos on a bye week it was a relatively uneventful week for Matty D. Nonetheless, there were overtimes, comebacks, upsets, and some less exciting games.

1)Indianapolis Colts 4-0
Another game, another win. Every year the Colts are among the league's elite. The last drive by the Colts when they were going in for the league was one of the best drives I have ever witnessed. Not as great as Brady's in the Super Bowl against the Rams, but it was still very good. Manning simply moved the ball down the field with each passing play and led his team to a touchdown. Maybe this year the Colts will get over the hump.

2)Chicago Bears 4-0
I'm writing this during the Seattle-Chicago game, which is probably a bad decision on my part. I think the Bears will win which is why I have picked them this highly. Go Bears!

3)Baltimore Ravens 4-0
I'll be honest, I didn't think this team would be much this season. I still don't, but they knocked off the Chargers who looked very good in their two wins earlier this season. Good news for Broncos fans, if the Ravens can beat the Chargers, anybody can. I still don't think the Ravens can contend with the Bengals and Patriots, but as of now they are in first.

4)Atlanta Falcons 3-1
As I was saying, last week's loss to the overrated Saints was all emotion. If that game had been played in Atlanta it would have been a much different story. More important than Vick and Dunn, is the underrated Falcons defense. They get overlooked, but it won't be long until they start getting some recognition for the team's success.

5)New England Patriots 3-1
What do you do after losing a nationally televised game in your stadium? You got out and do the same thing to somebody else. The Patriots went out there and put it on that ass. Maybe it is just the Shanahan is a better coach than Billichieck, but for some reason the Pats beat everyone but the Broncos. Lawerence Maloney is allready showing that if Dillon goes down, it is no problem for them.

6)Dallas Cowboys 2-1
Coming off a bye, and a big distraction, they went out and took care of bussiness. I know, the Titans aren't much, but the 'Boys looked tough. With Owens in the lineup, and a healthy Julius Jones, this team might just be OK in the NFC East. T.O. travels back to Philadalphia next week, but even more importantly (although it will get far less media attention), the Cowboys and Eagles will be playing for first place in the division.

7)San Diego Chargers 2-1
Maybe they were unprepared, or just got a bye week at a bad time, but they still lost. A game that they could've won too. Had they won that game they would be discussed among the league's best, but now they are just second in the AFC West. Maybe they aren't that good. Their two wins are against the Raiders, and the Titans. Still a lot to tell about this unproven team.

8)Seattle Seahawks 3-1
I'm watching this game, and they are losing! Go Bears!

9)Denver Broncos 2-1
They didn't play this week, so they remain at the same spot as last week. Big game against Baltimore on Monday next week. The Broncos could really make a splash by beating another undefeated team on national television. The Broncos seldom lose at home.

10)Cincinatti Bengals 3-1
They looked like an inferior team all the way aroung against the Patriots on Sunday. I guess the Pats had something to prove after the debacle last week, but maybe all the off the field distractions of the Bengals are finally catching up to them. They are still only one game back in the division, and I'm sure they will bounce back fine, but it's never good to lose a game at home.

11)Philadalphia Eagles 3-1
I guess they could be in the top ten, but I don't like them. Although they should be 4-0 and #1 in the power rankings, they aren't. Because Plaxico Burress 6'5. Too bad for them. T.O. returning to Philly next week. Can't wait to hear all about it everyday on ESPN.

Note: The Eagles actually play tommorow night, I'm just assuming they will defeat the shitty shitty bang bang Packers.

12)St Louis Rams 3-1
Clearly Jim Haslett is a better defensive coordinator than he was a head coach. This team has a unbelievable amount of potential. They have the recipe neccesary to win in the NFL. A big back that can carry the load. A smart, accurate quarterback who won't make mistakes. And a fast defense who can cause turnovers. They also have a couple of playmaking wide recievers that can help along the way.

13)New Orleans Saints 3-1
Although I, unlike many, think this team sucks, they still deserve to be in the top fifteen based on their record. Don't count on this team winning many more games. They just aren't very good. I feel like they can win a few more home games, because they have a lot to play for in that downtrodden city, but you know what, they ain't any good!

14)Carolina Panthers 2-2
Now that Steve Smith is back, things have changed dramatically. They are on a 2-0 win streak, both of wich coming at the hands of division rivals. With Steven A Smith in the lineup well, "quite frankly, that's all they need." Julius Peppers isn't bad either.

15)Jacksonville Jaguars 2-2
Oh how the might have fallen. The Jaguars went from shutting out the defending champs, to dropping two straight. I still think they have what it takes to win somesing like the wildcard. Fortunately they have the amazing ability to be "in" every single game. They never get blown outl, and seldom blow people out. With this ability, they are an exciting team to watch, and a team that will win a lot of games.

16)Buffalo Bills 2-2
A very young team, that gets better every single game. At the begining of this season I had no idea the Bills would have played so good with 25% of the season in the books. Losman, McGahee, and Evans make Bills fans giddy about the future, and even the present. Their defense is amongst the league's best.

17)New York Jets 2-2
They should probably be ahead of Daaa BIllsss, but I don't like 'em. They almost beat the almight Colts, and even that is quite a feat. Still, they are in a division with the Bills, meaning that they're cooked. They are playing a division that is out of their league. DAAA BILLLLSSS

18)Washington Redskins 2-2
They played a very good game against the Jaguars on Sunday. Still, had the defense stepped up, they wouldn't have even had to go to overtime. Brunnell can clearly still play at the NFL level, and a healthy Clinton Portis is the key to their success for the rest of the season.

19)New York Giants 1-2
Although they are only 1-2, they have played three extremely tough teams in Seattle, Philadalphia, and Indianapolis. From here on out they should be OK. I'm sticking by them as my pick to win not only the NFC East, but the entire NFC. Go Giants.

20)Minnesota Vikings 2-2
They aren't very good, although their record suggests that they are. They should have lost to the Redskins in week 1, but John Hall pushed his field goal. They should have lost to the Panthers, had they not went for that fake punt return throwback shit. They shouldn't have even been in the Bears game last week. They will be in a lot of games because they have a fast, aggressive defense that blitzes alot. Offense, not so good.

21)Pittsburgh Steelers 1-2
Although they have a sub-.500 record, I think they will contend for the AFC north title. Once Big Ben starts to play like the super bowl winning quarterback that he is, they will be fine. Last year all they were was a wildcar, and still won the superbowl. Not neccessarily neccessary to have home playoff games.

22)Arizona Cardinals 1-3
So much for Nathan's team. Figures, the year Nathan stops liking the Bills is when they start to find success. Unfortunately his new team sucks more ass than his old team. Obviosuly I think this is funny, because I don't care about the Cards, and I know he doesn't care about the NFL that much.

23)Kansas City Chiefs 1-2
Strong 41-0 win over the Niners coming off their bye week. Their off the shcnide, but I don't think they are much to worry about without Trent Green. Given, he is coming back soon. I wouldn't rule them out yet, they always break late, everyone knows that.

24)Houston Texans 1-3
They, like thew Chiefs, are off the schnide. Good news for Texans fans, but even better news for Bills fans. Two AFC East opponents lose today and they win. Mario Williams, still sackless in his NFL career. To put that in perspective, Julius Peppers has 3 sacks after four NFL games, and he was the second pick in the draft.

25)Miami Dolphins 1-3
I think it's time Nick Saban let Jason Taylor line up at tight end, and Zack Thomas at fullback. Think about an I-Form Big formation. Caulpepper under center, Ronnie Brown and Thomas in the backfield, with Taylor and Randy McMichael at tight end. Then you have Chris Chambers on the outside. I am going to do that in Madden.

26)San Francisco 49ers 1-3
41-0 is never good, but hey unlike some teams, they have one win and that's someting to be happy about. Obviously this year is a rebuilding year, but next year with a good defensive minded draft, and some free agent pick-ups, this team might be a contender. Is that sad? Four weeks in and I'm already talking about their offseason.

27)Green Bay Packers 1-3
I'm writing this on Sunday. The Bears game is on right now. Acutally Mushin Muhammad just score, go Bears! Honestly I'm just assuming that the Eagles will win tommorow night.

28)Cleveland Browns 1-3
Like the 49ers, this is a rebuilding year. Maybe next year they will rebuild some new uniforms. No free agent will come to Cleveland with those uni's. Romeo Crennell is a good coach, and maybe with a healthy Braylon Edwards along with a cocky Kellen Winslow, this team can bring home a few W's.

29)Tennessee Titans 0-4
The Vince Young era has begun. I'm sure, as almost all rookies do, he will struggle. Give him aq few years and a solid supporting cast, and he might do something in this league. He has a rare mobility and a strong arm. I do think he's better than Alex Smith and Aaron Rodgers already, if that's even saying anything.

30)Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-3
Good news for Bucs fans, they can't lose on a bye week! Seriosuly though, hopefully Simms will be OK. You never want to hear about a guy getting seriosuly injured, it's never cool. Plus I am a John Gruden/Cadillac Williams/Derrick Brooks fan. Unfortunately, it seems like it might be a long year for the Bucs. Hopefully they don't become the Yucks again.

31)Detroit Lions 0-4
Come on, nobody is that surprised are they? They are the Lions. They will draft another reciever this year, then pursue to cut him in a fear or two. Come on.

32)Oakland Raiders 0-16
Another game, another loss. With each passing game it feels like they might lose them all. Even the Browns beat them. I'm rooting for them to lose, and so are you, don't lie about it.

Power Rankings

Although Power Rankings can found on several different sites, I thought it was neccesary to go ahead and do my own power rankings, because I think others are scewed. Enjoy, unless you are a Raiders fan (Dan).

1)Colts 3-o
Peyton Manning isn't only the league's most marketable player, he is also the league's most valuable player. Nobody means more to their team than him.

2)Seahawks 3-0
It really says something when a team can beat the living piss out of the Giants; a legitamate contender in the NFC. Not good that Alexander is hurt though, Madden Curse?

3)Bengals 3-0
Chad Johnson might not be getting the numbers he wants, but he's drawing double teams and that's good for everyone else. Going into Pittsburgh and winning is no easy task.

4)Chargers 2-0
They have had a bye week, and have played two subpar opponents in Tennessee and Oakland. Still, in those two games Rivers, Merriman, Gates, and LT have all looked phenomenal.

5)Bears 3-0
Their defense is good enough to keep them in games, and Rex Grossman is only going to get better. If this team ever runs it like they did last year, they will be tough.

6)Jaguars 2-1
Anybody who can go into Indy and give Manning and the boys a tough game is good. Underrated defense that held the potent Colts offense to 21. Not quite at the Colts level yet.

7)Eagles 2-1
This team could, and probably should be, 3-0. They let up against the Giants, and it might be a game they regret all season. McNabb looked good, even with Stallworth sidelined for the game.

8)Ravens 3-0
I hate to put them this high because I don't think they're very good, but they are 3-0. Still, don't expect much in a division with Pittsburgh and Cincinnatti lurking.

9)Broncos 2-1
I know, I'm a little biased. That said, how many teams walk into Foxboro and stomp on Brady and the Pats? Javon Walker has already proven to me that he is a game breaker.

10)Saints 3-0
Monday night was all emotion. When Atlanta plays them in the Georgia dome see what happens. In the meantime this 3-0 team beat Green Bay and Cleveland, congratulations.

11)Falcons 2-1
They have to be behind the Saints after Monday, but they had better find a new scheme. If the Saints can shut them down, I'm sure Carolina and Tampa Bay can.

12)Patriots 2-1
They shouldv'e lost to the Bills in week 1. Clearly the departures of Branch and Givens is having an effect. Plus, you never can lose at home, especially like that, they got a swift kick in the ass.

13)Giants 1-2
In the last quarter or so, this team is unstoppable. They just have to learn how to start games like they finish them. Plus Indy, Philly, Seattle, is no easy way to start a schedule.

14)Vikings 2-1
Defense is surprisingly dominant, and they seem to be doing just enough to win. Except last week when Florida alum stuck it to them. GO REX!!!!!

15)Pittsburgh 1-2
Their record isn't very good, but as soon as Big Ben gets back on track they will be great. If they run the ball opposed to throwing it in the redzone, they would've won that game.

16)Panthers 1-2
Like the Steelers, I feel it is just a matter of time before this team goes on an 11 game win streak. Not to mention Steve Smith has already proven they are a different team with him.

17)Rams 2-1
They beat the Broncos, but the once high octane Rams offense has recently morphed into a grind it out offense. No problem with Stephen Jackson in the backfield, he's a horse. Tom and Nathan Should've drafted him over James in the fantasy draft. Take Notes.

Honestly, Tom and Nathan are 40% of my readers, so I hope they read that. More so directed at Nathan because he is Cardinal biased.

18)Cowboys 1-1
With T.O. they are a great team with a balanced offense and strong defense. Without him, they're still a good defense with a mediocre offense. Come on though, we want ROMO!

19)Redskins 1-2
Clearly Clinton Portis is a playmaker in Washington. Maybe the media lit a fire under Brunnell, but after ciritcizing him, he goes ahead and breaks single game records. Sean Taylor is cool too.

20)Jets 2-1
I don't like the Jets, one bit. The Bills should have won that game. They outplayed them in every aspect but turnovers, but I guess that's kind of a big deal in the NFL. Vilma is no DJ Williams.

21)Bills 1-2
They have outplayed their opponents three times, and have one win to show for it. That's the difference between good teams and bad teams. Young fast defense though, and they look great so far. Lot's of learning to do though. Losman has to hold onto the ball when he feels pressure.

22)Cardinals 1-2
I feel like they have the ability to score 40 a game, but I don't think that matters with their defense. Fitzgerald and Boldin are nasty, but is Warner the guy that's going to deliver?

23)Chiefs 0-2
Tough schedule so far (in Cincinatti, and in Denver). Things will most likely change when they square off with San Francisco in Arrowhead this week. They need Trent Green to comeback.

24)Dolphins 1-2
I was wrong about this team, but if Caulpepper ever does good, they will be fine. But that is a pretty big "if" considering he hasn't done anything since his days with Moss.

25)49ers 1-2
Although they're not expecting to win many games, they are playing teams tough. Alex Smith, Frank Gore, and Vernon Davis have already sparked some life in the downtrodden francise out west.

26) Buccaneers 0-3
Without Simms, they are in trouble. Throw in a beaten up Cadillac Williams, and they're hopeless. Good luck to them in their upcoming games, they will need it.

27)Packers 1-2
This one is for you Tom. I know how much you love the Packers. You were right all along about Javon Walker, he really is the best reciever in the NFL. Good luck in basketball this year.

28)Browns 0-3
Although they actually had a chance to win (by chance I mean, absolutely should have won) but they gave it away. Is Frye the man, or do you think they are waiting on a kid named Quinn?

29)Lions 0-3
Roy Williams guarantees wins, but isn't ridiculed enough. They're not a very good team, no matter how awesome Williams is. He should be poked and laughed at like thirteen times or so.

30)Texans 0-3
Get this, the highest rated quarterback in the NFL is David Carr. But seriously, it's almost funny how awful that Mario Williams pick looks now. I'm laughing about it.

31)Titans 0-3
When is the Vince Young era going to begin in Tennessee? Who cares, certainly none of my readers, because nobody is going to read about the Titans. If you see this IM me or comment.

32)Raiders 0-16
I felt it was neccessary to throw it out there. The Tampa Bay Yucks got the champaign on ice as they watch each Raider game. It's compelling to see how bad a team can be during one game.

Noel Devine

Noel Devine is a senior running back North Fort Myers High School in Florida. He has been an internet sensation since he first appeared in his freshmen year. He is unbelievably fast, and has balance that can only be compared to as Barry Sanders like. I have watched several of his highlight videos, and am amazed every single time. His interested colleges are Miami, Florida, Florida State, and Georgia. Wherever he goes, I'm sure we will all look forward to watching him tear up opposing defenses.

The Most Ultimate Trailer Ever

I thought that this was very funny. It has its stupid moments, and I didn't find it, it was on Ebaums. Nonetheless, I laughed out loud several times. If anything, I can watch it a few times before my next update.

Another Whacky Week

The NFL this year has already proven to be whacky, and it's only week two. More importantly, the Broncos are off the shnide! But here are some teams who some people wouldn't be, or would be, 2-0 or 0-2.

Carolina Panthers 0-2
This team is an entirely different team without playmaking wide reciever Steve Smith, but that is no reason to already be 0-2, and 0-1 in division play. The Cats of Carolina were a super bowl team. Even MGM had them highest, over the Cowboys, in their latest odds. The start has been disapointing at best. For Panthers fans, and gamblers, let's hope Steve Smith comes back soon.

Miami Dolphins 0-2
The Fins didn't have as much potential coming into this season as the Panthers did, but they had a lot of it. With the Patriots unloading guys right and left some people, including me, thought this could be the year where the might Pats were dethroned. After losing a close one to Pittsburgh, and then getting a swift kick in the ass by AFC East rival Buffalo, Dolphins fans should get ready to press the panic button. Not only are they 0-2, 0-1 in division play, but New England is 2-0, and 2-0 in division play. If they want to catch up, they have some serious work to do. On another note, Jason Taylor is an animal, and is arguably the most underrated player in the NFL.

New Orleans Saints 2-0
Who'da thunk it right? The Nawlans Saints off to a 2-0 start. But look who they have beaten, Cleveland and Green Bay. Lets face it, this team will drop 6 automatically to the superior teams in the NFC South, then they will probably drop a few more a long the way, because they aren't that good. But I'm rooting for them.

San Diego Super Chargers 2-0
Like the Saints, the Chargers have played some subpar teams in Oakland, and Tennessee. Nonetheless, this team looks phenomenal. Phillip Rivers is the most efficient passer in the league. Antonio Gates can't be guarded with one guy. LaDainian Tomlinson is the best player in the NFL, and in two full games, he's played about three and a half quarters. More importantly, their defense is playing outstanding. Lamont Jordan and Randy Moss are solid football players, and Shawn Merriman and company completely shut them down. As a Broncos fan, I'm worried. When will the Jay Cutler era begin?

Minnesota Vikings 2-0
I don't know how, but the kicker for Minnesota has more touchdown passes than Jake Plummer. I say, let's sign him. Minnesota has won two very close games. The Panthers shouldn't have done the ill-advised fake punt, and won that game easily. Had John Hall made the field goal in week one, this Minnesota team could just as easily be 0-2. Childress is a solid coach, and the team has already experienced almost as much success as all of last year. Don't think that they will catch the Bears though, that would be a big mistake on your part.

Chicago Bears 2-0
Anyone who really knows me would tell you I am a Rex Grossman fan. I have liked him since his early days in Gainsville. Although, I didn't think he was smart enough, or mobile enough, to make it in the NFL. Hopefully I'm wrong, but if Sunday's game was any indication of his future, I am way wrong. He lit it up, and completely dominated on offense. If the Bears offense is this good, with a defense like theirs, honestly , watch out come February.

Green Bay Packers 0-2
I am just kidding, everybody knew they would be 0-2, I mean come on.

Atlanta Falcons 2-0
Vick is probably my second favorite football player behind Champ Bailey (And Michael Owen, pending on what kind of "football" you're thinking of). Also, I have also thought that the west coast offense is the dumbest thing a coach can do with an athlete like Vick under center. The best athlete in the league cannot be in an offense where he is supposed to make quick reads and get rid of the ball very fast. He should have it for as long as he can until he makes a decision. And everybody loves watching this guy, he's just exciting. I sure as hell will never forget his 50 yard walk off touchdown run againts Minnesota in overtime in his second year. It was probably in the top 10 NFL plays I had ever seen. if Warrick Dunn and Vick continue to run for 300 yards a game, they can go undefeated.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-2
Another alleged "playoff" team that is 0-2. Simms played great last year, and so did Cadillac and the defense. So far nobody has player very good, except maybe Joey Galloway. Gruden could probably play quarterback better that Simms right now, and Charlie Garner could probably play running back better than Cadillac right now. Like the Dolphins this team is going to have to turn it around now if they want to make the playoffs in a division like this.

Other Notes
Bills have outplayed their opponent twice, but are still only 1-1
Broncos defense single handedly won the game on Sunday
Pennington and the Jets are already doing better than I predicted
Raiders might go winless
Vince Young should start now
Bengals are tough, but the hit on Chad Johnson was even tougher
Seriously, he was bleeding from the neck

Ok peace out

NFL Week 1

After one whole week in the NFL, there have already been some surprises and upsets. It's bound to be a wild year in the ol' NFL. I didn't see all the games, but I did manage to see highlights of all of them.

Pittsburgh 28
Miami 17
I did manage to see all of this game. Daunte Caulpepper didn't impress me, niether did Ronnie Brown or Chris Chambers. But this Dolphins team played the defending champions very tough, in Pittsburgh. Things are only going to get better for the Dolphins, and honestly, at this point, there is no doubt in my mind that they will contend for the division title. As for Pittsburgh, considering they were without their starting quarterback they played exceptionally well. Batch did a great job filling in for Big Ben, and everybody else around him stepped up their game. Willie Parker is an elite back, and sooner or later, everybody is going to have to accept it.

New Orleans 19
Cleveland 14
I know, I am a huge Reggie Bush fan (And I am an anti-Mario Williams fan). That said, he played phenomenal. 140 total yards in his debut. I think he is in a perfect situation with McAlister able to give him a break when neccesary, and vice versa. Eventually, he will get the majority of the carries, and all I can say is watch out. He's unbelievable, and he's going to go down as one of the best ever. A faster Ladanian Tomlinson, or a more explosive Gale Sayers, you choose. Cleveland played well for a pretty shitty team. Kellen Winslow looked good as he scored his first touchdown ever. Charlie Frye isn't a big name, but is a leader and played well. This offense will be tough in a few years with Breylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow along with Ruben Droughns. They suck for now though because a lack of defense and no offensive line.

Seattle 9
Detroit 6
Not a great start for the defending NFC champs, but that's what seperates the good teams from the great teams. A good team can play good throughout and still lose. A great team can play like shit for 3 1/2 quarters and win. They just signed Deion Branch, look out NFC West. Detroit's defense played surprisingly well, but don't count on it every week I mean come on, it's the fucking Lions.

New York Jets 23
Tennessee 16
A nail biter down in Tennessee. One that came down to Kerry Collins' arm. Who would have thought that possible three months ago when he was unemployed, but good for him. Vince Young started out 4/4, but his last completion was to the Jets. Tennessee played tough, and even Travis Henry scored a touchdown. Unfortunately for them, Coach Mangini and Chad Pennington outlasted the Shitty shitty bang bang

Cincinnatti 23
Kansas City 10
Cincinnatti played tough offensively, and Carson Palmer is still OK after one game. Rudi Johnson is the unsung hero on this team, and all can expect a big year from that man. Kansas City didn't look like the playoff contenders people once thought they were. Larry Johnson, Mr. 2000 yards, had a mere 68 yard performance, and Trent Green got injured with a concussion and could miss the next two games

St Louis 18
Denver 10
This one bothered me, more than a Broncos loss should. Our defense played great. We stopped them to field goals three times in our redzone which is fantastic, but I would feel safer with rookie Jay Cutler in their instead of that fucking retard we got taking the snaps. A ten year veteran should not make those kind of throws at this stage in his career. The Bells looked good, over 190 total yards and a touchdown. Javon Walker is something I am very excited about, that is if Cutler starts ASAP. Rams sucked out big time due to Jake the fucking snake Plummer.

New England 19
Buffalo 17
Bills fans should be stoked. They played that well against a very good team. Given this is the worst Patriots team in years, they are still the Patriots. Losman, McGahee and Whittner all looked great, and even A-Train played good. But as I said about the Seahawks, great teams can play like shit and still win football games. The Patriots find ways to win. Deion Branch is gone now, and so are a bunch of other recievers, but I don't care. With Brady undercenter and Billiceik on the sideline, they will always be in games.

Baltimore 27
Tampa Bay 0
The Baltimore defense of old re-surfaced and looked good, very good. Chris Simms looked like a lost rookie, and Carnell "Cadillac" Williams had an awful game. Was this the Bucaneers being horrible, or the Ravens playing great? I think it was a mix. Which is bad for Bucs fans, and great for Ravens fans.

Atlanta 20
Carolina 6
I'll be honest, my three favorite teams are the Broncos, Bills, and Falcons. At least one of them won. By the way I only like them because of Vick. Probably my second favorite football player. I'm glad he has found some success, especially against a very tough Panthers defense. Realize, the Panthers are a very different team without Steve Smith, but Atlanta looked tough, and John Abraham is a monster.

Philadalphia 24
Houston 10
I hate the Eagles with a passion, probably my least favorite team. But I'm not mad because the Texans brought it upon themselves with the worst draft management in NFL history. This franchise will forever be cursed because of it. McNabb looked great, and Donte Stallworth has already proven to be a key acquisition. They will contend for the NFC West, but I mean come on, this was only the Texans.

Chicago 26
Green Bay 0
Has Favre ever been shutout at Lambeau? No, not until Sunday. This team has AJ Hawk, and that's pretty much it. Favre has to move on for this franchise to move on. They aren't going anywhere with ol' number four under center. He is playing like Jake Plummer more and more every snap, and that is NOT a good thing by any stretch of imagination. Rex Grossman looked good, and he may not be mobile, and he may not be smart, but he cant throw the ball a mile. What a cannon. With their defense, and an adequate offense, they will be pretty tough come January.

Arizona 34
San Francisco 27
I'll be honest, the Cardinals offense looked impressive. I was a Kurt Warner doubter, and still am. One problem with the team down in Phoenix. SAN FRANCISCO SCORED 27 POINTS ON THEM. Thats the highest scoring game the niners have had since the T.O. era. If the Niners can score 27 on them, just about anybody good. Im rooting for them because I hate Seattle, but they need some help defensively.

Jacksonville 24
Dallas 17
The Cowboys first drive looked amazing. I thought they would have killed the Jags. But naturally Bledsoe would throw three interceptions on his way to a loss with a far superior team. The NFL is simple. Run the ball well. Play good defense. Win the turnover battle. Those three things will win a game without fail. Ask Nathan or Shane about my Madden team in every franchise mode ever. Best defense, great running back, and an offense that runs the ball 80% of the time. I don't know why it is that hard of concept, but Bledsoe still sucks, but not as bad as Jake "I should've been a" Plummer.

Indianapolis 26
New York Giants 21
The Manning bowl was actually a very fun game to watch. Peyton outplayed Eli if you ask me, mainly because of Eli's ill-advised pass late in the game. But that offensive pass interference call was bullshit. Another reason why the replay system should include challenging penalties. Both teams should be very successful this year, so Giants fans don't worry. Plaxico Burress is a man among boys. Probably the most underrated wide reciever in the NFL.

Minnesota 19
Washington 16
This one shocked me. I thought Washington was a way better team, and I still think they are. If John Hall makes the field goal, they might have won it. Portis, no matter what anyone says, is still feeling the effects from a dislocated shoulder and will probably suffer more and more injuries for the duration of the season. Minnesota, you suck, and above all else, you're boring to watch. I hope you suck, and maybe next year draft or sign somebody cool or somesing.

Chargers 27
Oakland 0
Ladanian Tomlinson is the best player in the NFL. I have always said it. All of you Larry Johnson fans, he had 68 yards compared to LT's 160+. He also scored a touchdown. As a Broncos fan, I'm worried. Drew Brees was limiting LT, and I fear he is going to be unstoppable this year. May god have mercy on our souls.